Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Can't see the sun, but can totally feel it's rays!

Sorry I haven't posted in so long.  Healing is like a dance...quick step forward, a few slow steps back, step to the side... and back again.  The music kept going...and days were passing.  I am rehearsing a new dance now and I am so grateful. The beat is slow...but steady.  Small step forward..sway to the music...small step forward...and repeat.  Yes...you get my drift.  There is actual forward momentum and I pray it continues.  I am out of my bed more and can come downstairs and get a change of scenery from my bedroom.  I have more energy...and I can see light at the end of the tunnel!

Sunday I got to visit with old friends from dental school we hadn't seen in years.  They stopped by from out of state and I was so nervous...but I was able to visit most of the day.  I also got to finally meet a new friend that has shared support through my blog and I was so grateful to embrace my new friend.  I am embarrassed that people have to see me this way.  I did get out of pj's...and tried to look somewhat normal.  I am slow...my movement is awkward and limited...my conversations are slow and scattered...but hopefully everyone understands.  It is part of healing... and I am finally healing. 

There was a miracle last week that I would feel ungrateful if I didn't share.  I was starting another abcess.  I knew what it was because I had one last year at after a similiar surgery.  It was setting me back badly because of the pain and kept me in bed non stop.  I went to the dr and they could feel it.  Almost the size of a tennis ball under my incision in the middle.  It hurt, and hurt, and hurt each time I moved any part of my body.  That night I prayed and begged the Lord to take it away...just because the last time I had an abcess the dr. that drained it made a HUGE error that almost ended my life.  I don't think it would happen again, but it was my most recent experience and terrified me.  I went in the next day for a ct scan...and the results showed no mass there.  It was gone except for a bit of inflamed tissue that was much smaller.  I believe in prayer.  I know the Lord doesn't always answer that way or take away our trials...but this time he did...and I am so grateful.  I am back on track to heal as I should...and I am grateful for miracles.  They didn't end in Biblical days...there are modern miracles daily...I have witnessed many and I am so grateful.  Many things in my life are broken...but my faith is whole and gives me so much hope.

Thank you all for your individual efforts and kindness you have shown to my family and I.  Please know that your caring about my story...your prayers, thoughts, calls, cards, visits, comments, meals, and so much more have meant the world to me.  You make me smile everyday and have made cancer a blessing.  I have never before felt so loved!  Thank you!!!

9 comments:

Marilyn said...

Yes, indeed, Miracles do happen. A battle scar is something to talk about when your well. That will happen. So glad to hear from you. I look every day to see some light from you. Finally, the rays are getting through. LU

reverseoreo said...

So glad for Miracles and especially that it happened to you. I will try harder to look for the miracles in my life.

Laurene said...

Always wonderful to feel the warmth of the Sun whether it's night or day; cloudy or Sunny.

Karen (but sometimes Chris) said...

I believe in miracles. I believe you are a miracle. I am grateful for you.

The Person Family said...

So happy to hear this Shanda! We're thinking of and praying for you!

Natalie said...

Yes, miracles do happen everyday! You are a miracle and amazing example. I hope your dance keeps moving forward and you keep smiling that beautiful smile of yours. Our prayers are with you!

Tracey said...

So happy to hear about the forward steps! I hope they just keep coming! We will keep praying for you!

Chet and Mindy said...

Shanda, thanks for sharing. You inspire me to do better and be better.

Unknown said...

What an amazing miracle.. Prayer is amazing!!! So so so thankful for the little steps forward your able to take. Hugs, & Luvs