Thursday, November 17, 2011

Tender...tender mercies

We made dinner for a friend this week and a very special experience happened when dropping it off.  My youngest was playing with their daughter that is the same age.  They are really good friends.  She sat down beside her friend and quietly asked, "have you been praying for my mom, because she really needs it?"  Her friends said she hadn't but was so glad I am starting to feel better.  My little one grabbed her hand and said, " than lets say a prayer for her right now."  These two 4 year olds stopped playing and said a prayer for ME...and asked our Heavenly Father that I will have no more cancer, no more surgeries, no more chemo, and no more hospitals...that my stomach will feel better, that I won't have anymore big "owies", and that I can be a Mom again.

This is part of the reason I can honestly say cancer has become a blessing.  To witness this powerful testimony of a 4 year old...who knows to kneel and ask her Lord for help in the thing that is upsetting her world the most.  She KNOWS he hears our prayers...and she doesn't skip a day without asking for his help.  (and apparently doesn't let her friends skip any days either.)  She somehow has the patience to know that not all prayers are answered immediately or on our time.  Her simple, yet profound faith is an example to me. 

Monday, November 14, 2011

The Dr. weighed in...

First of all, I have to tell you that I am getting stronger each day.  This has definitely been my slowest recovery, but I think it is to be expected with all my body has been through.  Yesterday I made dinner for my family...and even homemade bread. (which was huge for me.)  I am pushing myself as far as I can daily and can't wait to report to you that I'm fully back.  I'm hard!!

As you know...they did find more cancer with the last surgery.  It was on my uteris (which was removed with several other organs)...but it was good sized and went undetected by my doctor because it was hiding under SO much scar tissue.  The inside of my abdomen is covered in 3rd degree burns from heated chemo and other there is TONS of scarring all over inside.  There is a chance that was the only cancer there...but the likelihood is not in my favor.  I had been waiting on my oncologist to tell me if more chemo was needed. 

I had my appt and he was so kind, but explained that there wasn't anything left to give me right now.  We tried several different regimens already and I already had a reoccurrence, so he had no evidence that it did any good.  I was bummed as you might guess, but I am at peace with it.  I feel deep in my heart that I have more time...and  I pray that during that time other treatments will be discovered.  I have an orphan cancer, though...and there aren't many patients diagnosed with it.  That means that there aren't really any clinical trials to develope treatments.  I have heard rumor of one that is lacking funding...and is specifically for appendix cancer.  I am working to organize a run that will benefit that clinical trial.  The efforts could very well save MY life...  You will definitely be hearing more about that as it evolves.  Thanks again for all of the support.

to quote a legend that lost her battle to appendix cancer...the beautiful Audrey Hepburn.

Friday, November 11, 2011

With Gratitude

Our Thoughts go to those that have paid the price to allow my children to live in freedom. 
"A nation that does not honor its heroes will not long endure."
-President Abraham Lincoln

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

The Musings of an ambitious Child...

My 8 year old is awesome and fills my life with so much joy.  Today I couldn't help but to laugh as a scene unfolded.  Maybe you will find this funny...or maybe it's just me. 

All day she was practicing writing stories in pig latin.  I thought it was cute and was just glad she was practicing writing.  Then she explained that she was working really hard to memorize pig latin, because she wanted to be a teacher in a pig latin school when she grew up.  I smiled...and was so proud of her ambitions.  Then I had to deflate her dream and tell her pig latin was a made up language for fun.  She was bummed...then I saw her in her room throwing away her stories and flashcards.  It sure was a fun idea for an afternoon, though...and it made me smile.  Cheers to pig latin!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Living with Cancer...
I got to be part of an article written to end the newspaper's month of "faces with cancer." This was focused on living with cancer.  I wasn't pictured because our schedules conflicted...but I felt grateful to be included.

 It has been interesting to think afterward of what I reallly should have said and what living with cancer really means to me.  Most of my ephiphanies come in the middle of the night when everyone else is sleeping and I can't...when my body hurts each time I move and my mind is weighed down with too many things to allow me to sleep. I don't remember them all right now, but here are a few that are in my mind. 
For me, living with cancer means:  
A lifetime of doctors appointments...and hanging on each word they say as their words determine my future.
Always holding a dark umbrella, but making extra effort to not live in it's shadow.
Being aware of every single minute in my life...and accountable for it.
ALWAYS keeping my focus on the sunshine...even in the dark.
Letting go of independence and relying on others for help with everything when needed.
Cherishing each gift life has to offer...and the simplest often mean the most or would be the most missed.
Not allowing petty things to ruin my day/relationship...because time is so valuable.
Being able to turn EVERYTHING in your life over to the Lord.
PATIENCE...on SO many levels!
Knowing that sometimes there is no way of fixing it.
Learning how to say "no" in life...and focusing all energy and time on what's most important.
Realizing that health is much deeper than physical appearance...looking healthy doesn't mean being healthy.
Being BRAVE even when you really want to curl up and cry.
Sharing love and kindness when you can...for no reason.  Becasuse it has meant the world to me.
Pressing forward in FAITH and HOPE... NOT FEAR...and knowing that I've done everything I can do.