Tuesday, March 29, 2011


First, my Addie got glasses.  I took her in for a checkup just because we love our eye doctor.  To my surprise, we found out Addie REALLY needed glasses.  I'm so glad we took her.  I think she is darling in glasses.  (but I am a bit partial...)  I just wish I would have known earlier. 

Second...last week she decided to cut her hair.  She blamed it on the cat.  We found a big pile of hair in the toyroom.  This is just one side...but she skilfully cut both.  She used to have a cute A-line that was longer in the front...but now it is a cute mullet.  Then she tried to tell me she was making it "crazy" like mine.

Sunday, March 27, 2011


Lately I have had an almost permanent smile on my face. 
(That doesn't mean my days go by without difficulty or contention...don't get me wrong.) 
I am going about my day often stop and realize how far I have come this past year and I find myself offering prayers of gratitude. 

I appreciate SO MUCH MORE the abundance
of AMAZINGNESS that exists around us. 
There are so many things that fill my days that make me smile.

In thinking about smiling, I have been reminded  of how it feels good to smile.. and how it is is contagious (if someone smiles at me...I reflexively smile back...and we both feel better.) 

I love the quote,
"SMILE and the world smiles back at YOU!" 

It's so true.. trials are more bearable, our attitudes are more positive, people are much more comfortable around us...and we feel happier by simply smiling!

"..If you smile with your fear and sorrow,
Smile and maybe tomorrow...
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just...SMILE."

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Making memories

We flew in after midnight last night from an awesome family trip to Disneyland. I came home exhausted, but so happy. I was able to show my children that I AM ALIVE. I tried so hard to make every minute fun for them...and keep up with their unending energy. They have been by my side through some things that no child should have to witness...so I was thrilled to have the energy and health to make a new memory with them. I cherished each moment and feel so appreciative for the health I am enjoying. 
We laughed, held hands, skipped, raced, sang, smiled, and spent time together.  It was perfect! 

This was a huge deal because Addie just made the 40'' required to ride almost ALL of the rides.  She had no idea what to expect with the roller coasters so we took her on all of them.

Woody here is made out of LEGOS... My kids and husband have a new obsession with Legos...so they thought this was pretty awesome.

Worn out from too much fun!


I realized today as I was talking to a friend that I need to update you all on my health and current prognosis.  I am feeling GREAT.  That doesn't mean perfect... but great compared to what it could be.  There are still many things that make my days challenging, but don't dwell on them because none of them even come close to this past year or  a few months ago when I came so close to my deathbed.  I am having some spells of total loss of memory and ability.  I will be driving for example and all of a sudden won't remember where I am or which pedal is the gas or brake.  I entered a silly ping pong tournament with Larry on our cruise and in the middle completely forgot how to hit a ping pong ball.  They are odd things that occur at odd times, but they worry me.  My bowels (in the spirit of full honesty) are pretty awful...but I am still SO grateful that I don't have to have a colostomy bag.  They work...just not the same as usual.  (sorry again to mention...)  My legs are still numb to my knees.  A few times lately I have had bloody blisters that I never could even feel because of the numbness.  Walking/running is awkward because of the strange sensation of numbness, but I am doing much better.  It feels the strangest in tennis, but it works.  I am SO grateful to be able to play!  My hairloss STOPPED...just as my thin combover on the top was about to go.  I have a bald spot in the back.  I have learned to cover it...and I have a wig.  The good news is that hair just started growing on my legs again so I think I will have new peach fuzz on my head.  I have bad hair right now...but it is hair.  I didn't expect to keep any.  No complaints.  My vision is returning in most places.  I am so grateful to be able to read again...but I am still addicted to audiobooks that kept my brain from turning into mush in the hospital.

I know you really want to know where my cancer is right now.  Answer:  I don't know.  I have more scans and tests scheduled this month.  Please continue to keep me in your prayers.  The reoccurrence rate in stage 4 cancer is very high...but I feel SO optimistic.  I have been so aggressive in treatments and have survived all of those.  I will update you as I get results.

Friday, March 4, 2011


Addie asked me if we could make Old Maid bread together.  I couldn't help but drop everything and just hold her in my arms.  As much as I feel like I missed this last year of her life...I am so grateful for those moments that remind me she is still my LITTLE girl.  So I think we will make "homemade" bread.