Yesterday I spent the whole day again at the hospital getting another ct scan and getting the fluid draned again out of my abdomen. It had returned very quickly from when I had it drained on Friday night. I should take a picture and post it. It truly looks like I am 5 months pregnant and is hard as a rock. The doctors are all stumped and can't figure out the cause. Drainig the fluid hurts BAD...and I think I will lose it if I have to do it again this week. I don't want to look or feel like this for the rest of my life. I pray an answer will come soon and that there is a solution.
I am also unsure if the doctors will be continuing my chemo or not because of all of the adverse side effects and reactions that are occurring. I will find out more next tuesday when I have another appointment.
I am reminded very strongly of the things that matter in life...and the things that just DON'T! My hair and my body for example. I would gladly trade them both for good health! I have sacrificed so much already but would still give more just to feel good and be able to return to my regular activities. (laundry, cooking, taking care of my girls, being a taxi for practices, etc.)
10 comments:
I will have to think about what you mean by trading your hair and body for good health. I think there is wisdom in that statement that I don't readily see. Thanks for being such an example.
shanda- thank you for such a wonderful post. helps keep me centered. Health is so essential to good life. I am so sorry you hav to endure this! I am just glad you are a fighter. love you!
Being healthy is something we always appreciate more when our health is not at it's peak. I know you have been in that mode for a long time. It's common to fuss about what we look like when we are feeling great. So human. As I go through my days I hope,pray and wish so much you could once again, soon, enjoy all those simple everyday pleasures. You, I am certain, cannot begin to know how much your openness with this illness is blessing the lives of so many. I wept with an understanding I have not had before at the temple session I attended yesterday. I have not been for quite awhile. Thank you for getting me there and giving me so much to ponder that is essential and vital. I am committed to attend more often. No excuse. I live so close.
Shanda- It really seems like you just can't catch a break a break! You just cycle from one bad thing to another. I am praying that you have some relief soon to help heal and build up some strength and really praying for the doctors that they will be inspired as to what is wrong and how to help you. They will figure this out soon and you'll be back to laundry and taxi driving and just wishing for a nap instead!
Shanda, I can't believe that we just left each other and all these things have come to pass. We had such a great time with you and I am so worried about you. Today we got a letter from Aanna to Kayla and my heart melted. Kayla was so excited and has plans on Sunday to write her back. I wish there was more we could do for you than just pray. I pray that Heavenly Father will send you a room filled with Angles to guide the doctors and to comfort you. You are so strong and unbelievable. I know your answers will come. We love you so much and cant wait to be with you again!!!
Shanda, I don't know if you remember me. I'm married to Larry's cousin, Marinda Shaha (Blackburn). I met you at the reunion out at Bear Lake a year ago. It was clear to me then that you are very intelligent and a great mother to those beautiful little girls. I appreciate you documenting your struggle so vividly. You're a very good writer. Marinda and I and our girls are moving to Poland next week. I whine about movers, tests, administrative annoyances like international driver's licenses and insurance, etc. It's nothing to what you're enduring. Keep up the the fight! You're in our prayers.
P.S. On a lighter note, I hope Larry is over the crushing defeat he suffered from the Blackburn contingent in that backyard football game last year at Bear Lake!
Shanda, you are such a beautiful person through and through! Your smile brightened many of our gloomy Cleveland days. I know the Lord is hearing every single prayer being offered in your behalf. Love ya!
WE DON'T KNOW EACHOTHER PERSONALLY BUT STARTED READING YOUR INCREDIABLE STORY THROUGH MY SISTER MONTHS AGO. I PRAY AT NIGHT FOR THE HOPE THAT THERE IS SOME RELIEF FOR YOU. I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN WHEN YOU SAY YOU WOULD TRADE THINGS LIKE HAIR AND BODY FOR GOOD HEALTH AND TO HAVE THOSE LITTLE MOMENTS AGAIN WITH YOUR GIRLS. DON'T GIVE UP U ARE A TRUE ANGEL.
I am so sorry you have to go thru all of this. I wish you didn't have too. I wish I didn't have to work so much and have more time to come and visit with you or drive you to appointments. But still let me know if I can do anything for you. You are a great example to me. Luv ya Annette
Oh Shanda!! I can't believe all this is going on! I can't imagine the pain you are going through! You seriously are so tough. Your pain tolerance is amazing to me! I am so glad through all of this you have kept up on posting all that is going on! You amaze me at all you do going through all of this! Most would have quit everything. You are such an example to so many!! There isn't a day or hours that go by that I don't stop and think of you and all you are going through! You are in our prayers too! Luv ya!:)
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