Friday, August 20, 2010

Another curve ball...but maybe I should expect them now~

I got a call from my surgical oncologist last night after he had a phone conference with my oncologist.  Apparently, neither of them have ever seen a patient with the symptoms/reactions that I have had.  Theydecided that I need another surgery to get in and fully understand what is going on.  My CT scan showed ususual things that they aren't able to explain and it seems likely that the culprit is spreading cancer.  The soonest they can get me in is next friday.  I will have to be fully opened up again and will have a hysterectomy in addition to basically repeating the "mother of all surgeries" that I had earlier this year.  The Dr. is also planning to repeat the heated chemo.   My understanding is that I am the only patient in the world that will have had this procedure done twice in one year.  I am terrified... both of what I have to do...and of what they will find!  There are so many thoughts running through my mind...

My fear is that I am not as strong as I was in march when I had that other huge surgery.  I barely made it last time and was found dead in my room because of an overdose of anesthesia.  Since then, my body has been poisoned, weakened, and horribly ravaged.  I don't know how I am going to get through another.  Much has changed since that...and it was BRUTAL then.  I have flashbacks of the moments that I endured once and prayed that I would never have to repeat.  I ask you to please focus your prayers on giving insight to my doctors...that they will know how to treat me.  I pray that I will be able to do what is needed of me.  I will be missing Aana's first day of school, my birthday, and Addie's first day of preschool.  Sept. 2nd will also mark one year of me living in hospitals and being so ill.  I can't wait until I can LOOK BACK on this.  That will mean it will be all over.  I keep thinking I will wake up and my life will return to what it used to be...and the nightmare will be over.

15 comments:

Andrea J said...

I will certainly be praying for your physicians, and for you. Lots of love.

reverseoreo said...

We are so sorry about all of this and all you have to go thru. We will be praying for you and all of your doctors. Lots of Love Annette,Nik and Martin

MMagic said...

Shanda. There are not words that one can say. You will have an army of loved ones fighting in your favor. Shanda fight your dragons. Don't let them conquer you.
Your surgeons will be guided with the armor of
what is available. Keep victory your priority.

Love you and yours.
Great Aunt Marilyn

Nana said...

Shanda...went to a day of Education Week last week...sat in a class I was meant to be in. SHe spoke of hope; not the worldly hope, but hope in Christ. SHe was the CEO of "Mothers Without Borders," and has witnessed all kinds of horrific circumstances around the world; adversity and suffering beyond imagination. And yet, she clings to hope; hope in Christ; that He is aware of each of us and we can be sure that He is in charge and all will be ok in the end. Think eternally. It is all that gets me through. Meanwhile, I think of the t-shirt I saw at Youth COnference, in reference to the iron rod: "Hang tight, knuckle white." It really feels that way, doesn't it? Some days we have to cling to it so fiercely,just to get up in the morning.
Someday all of this ridiculous suffering will be over, and "if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes." I love you, Shanda, and will pray earnestly for you.

RP said...

We're so sorry that you have to go through all this. We have been and will continue to keep praying for you, your family, and your doctors. Your positive attitude is amazing! We hope you feel better soon!

Marian said...

Shanda- You have shown so much faith and courage throughout this entire ordeal! Thank you for being an inspiration to us. We are praying for you and your family, especially during this vey difficult time.
Brandon and Marian Kofford

Laurene said...

This morning I reread your posts from January of this year through March. Rare person with rare disease and rare miracles. It seems fitting that the miracles should continue!

PalsRWe said...

We are Praying for you and your Doctors. When you are feeling overwhelmed, like you mentioned earlier just think of your Beautiful Little Girls, and that silly Hubby of yours too.
LOve, Kiley & Brent

The Larsons said...

Shanda - you will be in our thoughts and prayers for sure! What you are asked to endure continues to make us all put our lives into perspective. You are such an amazing person. We are closer now (in Cd'A)! When we get settled, we'd love to take a trip to say hi!

gregandlaura said...

You are in our prayers Shanda!

Lisa said...

i'm so sorry you have to go through this all again. but you did it once, as difficult as it may seem, you can do it again. may God be with you always, and look over your dr's as they help you past this.

Prince's said...

We will be praying for you but I know that with my father in laws cancer it took more than one treatment to get it under control and he is still with us today! May you and your family be watched over by the angels that are all about you!

The Person Family said...

Shanda-I'm praying for your body, mind and spirit to be strong. And for the doctors and your family. You are loved.

Lance and Caetie said...

You and your family are in Lance & I's prayers. Our thoughts are with you and we'll do our part here in KC to help you get through this!

Susi said...

Breathe,Shanda, breathe and allow the Spirit to support you through this upcoming ordeal. Never, never, never give up. We will be praying for you and your doctors.f