Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Insight learned from experience...

Now that I have a potentially fatal illness, I have seen a million different reactions that others have when I share my diagnosis.  Some are so genuinely comforting, caring, and heartfelt...some are shocked....and some act as though they didn't hear you.  I have learned to manage them all...but the one thing that still just drives me insane is when people start telling me of all the loved ones they have lost to cancer and how horrible their battles were.  Please don't do that to anyone...it is painful to listen to!  My daughter Aana, finally trusted a teacher at school and mentioned what was going on at home a few months back...and the teacher didn't think before talking and told her that his sister died of cancer.  YOU DON'T say that to a 7 year old who just shared her biggest fear with you and put you in her circle of trust!  It crushed her...

I have also learned that some people just say...I'll be praying for you...and they might forget as soon as you walk away...but others really DO pray for you.  Those people have changed my life...have taught me so much...and I have learned from them.  I am a better person because of them.  You (who are reading this) might be amongst those whom I consider my angels.  Thank you for following through...and keeping my familiy in your prayers.  Prayer is real.  The Lord hears and answers them...and many blessing have come my way because of them. 

13 comments:

Andrea J said...

I'm pained that you have learned these insights, but thank you for sharing them with the rest of us. It is always good to learn how to serve and comfort better. I really appreciate your posts and my morale is boosted each time I read one. Thank you.

Laurene said...

We worry and pray for you several times a day vocally and in our hearts. I know of those who are doing the same for you though they never post on your blog. So many blogs are read, yet yours is the one where a comment is so valued. I like knowing that I am needed and I cannot even begin to tell you how much I have realized I have needed you in my life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your sweet reassuring example to me. I know it is TOTALLY possible for you to beat the odds, especially with your faith, humor, and cheerful positive outlook-type personality.
I am one of those who does not have the talent for saying the right thing at an awkward moment. I appreciate so much your insight and candidness.
I love that you wanted a cute, normal looking tote, and why shouldn't you? You are still Shanda in every way. We want people to see who we are. not some person with a problem or imperfection. Those who do see you though, and recognize what you are going through, in some large or small way, are stopped in their tracks and are humbled. That is a good thing too.
Larry posted his email address on your blog back in February and I found that again and emailed through him.

Gigi Geitgey said...

Shanda, just letting you know Warren and I continue to think about you and pray for strength and your recovery. Sharing what is helpful and not helpful to hear is actually very thoughtful and genuine and will help others as many people just don't know what to say in these circumstances. I enjoy reading your blog posts as you are so real and open and sharing as well as a talented writer. Love, Ruth Geitgey in Georgia

Patricia said...

Hi Kid:
Just read your blog. Have I told you lately how lucky I feel to have met you and watched you grow into such a fine woman? If not, consider it done.

Wish me luck this weekend as I participate in the Peachtree Roadrace. I just hope that I don't embarrass myself or my family.

Have a great 4th!!!

Kelly said...

Want me to come kick that teacher's rear???? Cause I will! :) Anything for you and your sweet girls. Hopefully that person is reading this and realizes what a lame thing that was to say.

You know I don't pray, well not the way most people do, but I think good thoughts for you every day. Can't wait until this is finally behind you.

The Atwood's said...

I seriously cannot believe that teacher said that! Really, I would be giving him a piece of my mind! Then again, I know some people just don't know what to say and just blurt out what ever comes to mind. I hope I have never said anything offensive.

Lexie said...

Wow, I can't imagine someone doing that, especially to a 7 year old who is probably already very scared and nervous about her mom. Thanks for the insights and the update. We pray for you multiple times a day, mostly that your family will be strengthened, watched over, and led to the best doctors and decisions. Your road has seemed extra difficult with all of the complications (and bad experiences) you've been dealt and yet I am so impressed with the way you move forward with faith and keep your sights on your eternal family - the best prize of all!

jodi said...

Shanda,
It's great to be able to read your posts. I think about you all the time up here in Canada. I'm glad it sounds like they've at least found something you're able to tolerate for your chemo. Prayers are being answered! Your last post about your fanny pack/purses cracked me up, but I think you're right, I don't know if I've ever really seen a "cute" fanny pack.:) I'll keep an eye out! Kind of funny, my girls know your name very well since we're always praying for you, but today I showed them pictures of you (on your blog) & their eyes got big & they got all excited. I guess they hadn't really put your name & face together before. Anyway, we will continue to pray for you & you WILL beat this!
Love, Jodi

Aly G said...

Oh Shanda, I just love you! There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of you! I know you will pull through this, because you have an amazing attitude & such a support system, and one of the best guys as a hubby! We just love you! Nick loved chatting with Larry the other day! I need to call you!

Patt and Duke said...

Shanda, that is terrible, however the one thing I have learned throughout my cancer journey is that once someone finds out that you have cancer, many people do not know how to react or how to relate, so they pull at what they know. Unfortunately, I too, heard more than I cared to, about how many people had lost loved ones to breast cancer and I'm standing there saying to myself "Really, did I need to hear that?" - especially during my treatment when there were many days that seemed so bleak. But chin up, stay strong! You are an amazing person and an inspiration to me and we are survivors!

Melissa Conway said...

It's beyond sad to hear that a TEACHER could be so insensitive...but I'm not surprised. People don't always know the right thing to say. I'd like to think he was horrified as soon as the words came out of his mouth, but at the same time, I'd like to go SMACK him!

I just wanted to let you know I think about you often and check your blog for updates. We're right up the street if you ever need us.

xxoo
Melissa and Evan

zeph3seventeen said...

Shanda, just wanted to let you know that you have a group of sisters in Oregon who are praying for you weekly. Cori comes to Bible Study at my house, and has shared your story with us. We pray for you and for your family. Your girls are so precious. Keep the Faith!

Renee' Dezember said...

You are right....there are people who just really have no clue...and they make you feel like what you are going through is not real...and each morning when we wake up we feel like today is finally going to be the day we will wake up from this awful dream...but that just never happens...because this is REAL...you know that you and your family are in my thoughts daily...and I pray (even though many times I feel like they aren't being heard)...because of you and how you continue to support me...I continue to pray. These last few months I continue to build higher walls around me...and I wish there was more I could do for the ones I love the most. You truly are one of the strongest people I know...your faith and outlook on the situation are amazing...I don't want to give up hope that our prayers will be answered. Love you!