Change...

First, my Addie got glasses.  I took her in for a checkup just because we love our eye doctor.  To my surprise, we found out Addie REALLY needed glasses.  I'm so glad we took her.  I think she is darling in glasses.  (but I am a bit partial...)  I just wish I would have known earlier. 

Second...last week she decided to cut her hair.  She blamed it on the cat.  We found a big pile of hair in the toyroom.  This is just one side...but she skilfully cut both.  She used to have a cute A-line that was longer in the front...but now it is a cute mullet.  Then she tried to tell me she was making it "crazy" like mine.

SMILE :)

Lately I have had an almost permanent smile on my face. 

(That doesn't mean my days go by without difficulty or contention...don't get me wrong.) 
I am going about my day often stop and realize how far I have come this past year and I find myself offering prayers of gratitude. 

I appreciate SO MUCH MORE the abundance

of AMAZINGNESS that exists around us. 

There are so many things that fill my days that make me smile.

In thinking about smiling, I have been reminded  of how it feels good to smile.. and how it is is contagious (if someone smiles at me...I reflexively smile back...and we both feel better.) 

I love the quote,
"SMILE and the world smiles back at YOU!" 

It's so true.. trials are more bearable, our attitudes are more positive, people are much more comfortable around us...and we feel happier by simply smiling!

"..If you smile with your fear and sorrow,

Smile and maybe tomorrow...

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just...SMILE."

Making memories

We flew in after midnight last night from an awesome family trip to Disneyland. I came home exhausted, but so happy. I was able to show my children that I AM ALIVE. I tried so hard to make every minute fun for them...and keep up with their unending energy. They have been by my side through some things that no child should have to witness...so I was thrilled to have the energy and health to make a new memory with them. I cherished each moment and feel so appreciative for the health I am enjoying. 

We laughed, held hands, skipped, raced, sang, smiled, and spent time together.  It was perfect! 

This was a huge deal because Addie just made the 40'' required to ride almost ALL of the rides.  She had no idea what to expect with the roller coasters so we took her on all of them.

Woody here is made out of LEGOS... My kids and husband have a new obsession with Legos...so they thought this was pretty awesome.

Worn out from too much fun!

Update

I realized today as I was talking to a friend that I need to update you all on my health and current prognosis.  I am feeling GREAT.  That doesn't mean perfect... but great compared to what it could be.  There are still many things that make my days challenging, but don't dwell on them because none of them even come close to this past year or  a few months ago when I came so close to my deathbed.  I am having some spells of total loss of memory and ability.  I will be driving for example and all of a sudden won't remember where I am or which pedal is the gas or brake.  I entered a silly ping pong tournament with Larry on our cruise and in the middle completely forgot how to hit a ping pong ball.  They are odd things that occur at odd times, but they worry me.  My bowels (in the spirit of full honesty) are pretty awful...but I am still SO grateful that I don't have to have a colostomy bag.  They work...just not the same as usual.  (sorry again to mention...)  My legs are still numb to my knees.  A few times lately I have had bloody blisters that I never could even feel because of the numbness.  Walking/running is awkward because of the strange sensation of numbness, but I am doing much better.  It feels the strangest in tennis, but it works.  I am SO grateful to be able to play!  My hairloss STOPPED...just as my thin combover on the top was about to go.  I have a bald spot in the back.  I have learned to cover it...and I have a wig.  The good news is that hair just started growing on my legs again so I think I will have new peach fuzz on my head.  I have bad hair right now...but it is hair.  I didn't expect to keep any.  No complaints.  My vision is returning in most places.  I am so grateful to be able to read again...but I am still addicted to audiobooks that kept my brain from turning into mush in the hospital.

I know you really want to know where my cancer is right now.  Answer:  I don't know.  I have more scans and tests scheduled this month.  Please continue to keep me in your prayers.  The reoccurrence rate in stage 4 cancer is very high...but I feel SO optimistic.  I have been so aggressive in treatments and have survived all of those.  I will update you as I get results.

Today...

Addie asked me if we could make Old Maid bread together.  I couldn't help but drop everything and just hold her in my arms.  As much as I feel like I missed this last year of her life...I am so grateful for those moments that remind me she is still my LITTLE girl.  So I think we will make "homemade" bread. 

Aana's Baptism...It's great to be 8!

This weekend was wonderful for our family.  Our oldest, Aana was baptized.  In our faith, we baptize our children after they are 8 years old...and Aana has been counting down the days since her birthday. She has such a wonderful sensitivity to the spirit and such a desire to learn about Christ.  She amazes me!  She set a goal in sept. to read the entire Book of Mormon before she got baptized...and that is a HUGE goal for a girl that was seven.  She worked so HARD...read chapters everynight...and studied with Larry and I trying to understand the hard words.  (if you have never read the Book of Mormon...it is an AMAZING book and is another testament of Jesus Christ and has old language just like the Bible.)  It has over 500 pages and challenging words...but it is SO worth reading and she did it...and it was a wonderful experience to watch her reach this goal.

10 Years of Marriage, an Amazing Cruise...and LIVING it up!

We just got back from the Caribbean and LOVED every minute of it.  I don't think I would have changed a thing!  Our pictures don't reflect all of the fun we had because our new camera is a bit large to carry around all of the time.  We swam with dolphins, SURFED, zip lined, performed in a dance mob, entered doubles ping pong tournaments, dodge ball tournaments, watched broadway shows, ice skated, climbed rock walls, snorkeled the largest reef in the Caribbean, ATE, laughed, and LIVED!  I constantly had to stop and thank my Heavenly Father for the miracle of being able to do all of those things.  It was SO much fun!!!  It was the perfect way to celebrate...here's to 50 more years of marriage!

Belated birthday posts...

Life has been crazy, but Aana and Addie's birthdays can't be over looked.  It has been a fun, busy, but amazing month for our family.  We count our blessings everyday!  We are so grateful for these beautiful rays of sunshine in our lives!! 







  



Aana wanted brownies..





So surprised from all of their amazing gifts.  :)







Aana was SO excited to get her OWN scriptures!







My mom made Addie a cake of ALL her favorite things.  Take a look...it's pretty funny. Mac 'n Cheese, pancakes, chocolate, gogurts, cupcakes, string cheese, etc.  Awesome!



Cruising...and Celebrations!

Another reason I have been SO busy is that I have been trying to get ready to go on vacation with my husband to celebrate our 10 year anniversary. (Feb. 16th)  We went on a cruise for our honeymoon 10 years ago and wanted to go to celebrate this year as well.   We will be in Royal Caribbean's newest ship the Allure of the Seas and are headed to there before dawn in the morning.

We are so excited for some sun (because I missed ALL of last summer)...a chance to celebrate...a chance to LIVE a little... and feel so blessed to be able to do this!!!  I AM SO GRATEFUL to be feeling better right now!

So expect a ton of pictures when I get back...and more updates.  Thanks for your patience!

Belated Birthday Post

These past couple of weeks have FLOWN by...but before more time passes, I have to mention that both of my girls had birthdays this week.   Feb. 7th is the luckiest day I have ever had.

On that day, four years apart, my two most precious treasures entered the world.  I have been a busy mom planning parties, throwing parties, and cleaning up from parties.  Both girls had a blast and pics will follow, but for now...I will post their drawings of them.

Aana's Pajama Pancake Party Picture with her friends

Addie and her cake (that is a table...not a bug on the right)

Present ponderings

I'm feeling stronger and tackling  more each day.  The past two weeks have been cleaning out the garage...which for those that saw it before can understand what a task it was.  I have given away ALL of my girls baby clothes, the crib, etc.  Is it just me, or are those moments bittersweet?  Sweet because my husband will quit nagging me...(sorry Larry) but sad in that I was parting with SO many memories...and a VERY dear chapter of my life.  I held on to them in hopes another child would come into our lives.  I'm not sure that could happen now.  There really aren't any others who have conceived after the HIPEC (heated chemo and accompanying surgeries) that I have had.  I LOVE motherhood...and my prayer is that if there are more that are meant for our family...that they will somehow come.  My heart is willing and open.  (sorry, tough topic for me, but I wanted to vent it.)

On the flip side, I am thrilled that I am getting to raise the beautiful girls that I have.  We treasure each day...and often stop to offer our gratitude that I am feeling well enough to do whatever we had been doing at that time.  My life has changed dramatically over the past year~no doubt about that!

I am the president of our family's party planning committee (jk!) which is working HARD this week.  For those that don't know, my daughters were both born on the same day...just 4 years apart.  I am hosting Addie's little party tomorrow morning...and Aana's on Saturday morning.  I am busy, but happy.  I can't complain.  It is SO wonderful to be able to DO things...

She Reads...

I forgot to post, but a couple of weeks ago Addie was on school field trip to our local children's museum.  She didn't want to play, but spent the entire time making words with magnetic letters on a huge magnet board.  We spelled sentences and she kept sounding them out and reading them.  I was pretty surprised.  I haven't been able to work with her as much as I wanted this year (for obvious reasons...) but I think Aana has been a great teacher for her.  Now she is a reading machine and she is SO excited.  Tonight she told me her goal was to read all of her Dr. Seuss books by herself.  She's only 3...we need to take it one step at a time! Kids are amazing!!!  I love how happy this discovery has made her.