Tuesday, April 13, 2010

I am not sure this is even MY body...

I have been procrastinating this post, because I was waiting for a turn around where I could report that I was feeling okay and optimistic! 

Plainly put...my body is not responding well to the chemo and I am having some severe reactions that are making each day, night, minute, etc...pretty miserable.  I can't eat or drink which has caused dehydration.  IV liquids yesterday lifted my energy a bit but pain and symptoms worsened overnight.  They are running all kinds of tests to identify the problem,but so far... we can't find an answer.  I might have some bacterial infection in my stomach caused from the chemo..I might be missing some critical enzyme, etc. 

All I know is...I have barely gotten ot of bed in days and I am pretty lifeless.  I hardly recognize my own body anymore...as all of the things I am used to feeling and doing are gone.  Chemo isn't supposed to be this bad and I am really hoping we can make get some answers before long.  I am sorry I can't post more positive news!!  My mom and others are now having to do ALL of my daily tasks and I can't tell you how hard that is.  The thought of six more months of this does't sound too appealing right now.

7 comments:

Patt and Duke said...

Hang in there! Your body needs to adjust to the chemo, you need to heal from the surgeries, and you have to understand that the emotional aspect of all this is just as trying on you as the physical. Just stay focused on healing, spiritually and physically. You are definitely expected to go through all this misery, but know that you are a strong, beautiful woman, mother, wife, sister, daughter and friend and you are not fighting in this alone.

Prince's said...

hang in there it will get better! I am sure that you will survive but 6 more months! think it is only but a moment in time and even though it seems like and eternity now in the long run 40 or 70 more years of life make it worth it!

Brent & Kimberly said...

My Grandpa had chemo and he used to call it "poison." He'd always feel terrible for a few days, then start to feel better soon after.
You can make it! You're strong! We're praying for you!!!!

Aly G said...

Oh Shanda I am so sorry for how yuck you are feeling. I am sure it is sooo hard I can't imagine! You are a tough cookie & things WILL turn around! I am so glad your mom is there to help out! If we can ever do anything long distance we are here and prayin for ya!

Lexie said...

You are amazing! It was good to talk with you last night and hear how it is all going. I can only imagine how discouraging and overwhelming it must feel, and yet you are doing it - hour by hour, day by day, you are doing everything in your power to get better, to get back to who you know you are, to do the things you love to do (and some that aren't so fun probably). You are fighting such a good fight. I hope they can find some reason that it is above and beyond the norm so that you can handle it on better terms and get done with this crazy regimine. We love you!

Gigi Geitgey said...

Shanda, I concur with Patt and others who say "Hang" in there as you adjust to the Chemo. We are praying everyday for your body to respond to treatments. I am sure it is a huge challenge, but it is inspiring to read all the good you see around you, how your family is there for you. ((Hugs)) Ruth Geitgey

Ann Elizabeth McCulloch said...

Shanda, (this is Justin) I wanted to let you know that we are praying for you continually. Keep up the amazing spirits. I know it is sooooooo hard to do right now, but a positive mental attitude will get you through this. Take time to meditate, ponder and visualize on what your healed body will feel like. Use that goal as a catalyst for your faith. Our faith is driven by our hope and our vision (goal). There may not be much your body can do right now, but your mind, your spirit and your faith can do wonders. Visualize your body being healed of the cancer. Your mind and your faith will create the way. God created the universe by the clarity of his vision and through the power of his faith. (Moroni 7:33) " Faith is a principle of action and of power, and by it one can command the elements and/or heal the sick, or influence any number of circumstances when occasion warrants (Jacob 4: 4-7). Even more important, by faith one obtains a remission of sins and eventually can stand in the presence of God." (Bible Dictionary). "Therefore, let your hearts be comforted concerning Zion; for all flesh is in mine hands; be still and bknow that I am God."(D&C 101: 16) We love you and hope to see you soon.