Friday, March 19, 2010

Two steps forward and one step back!

Today I am very nauseous and am feeling a bit weaker than yesterday, but that is pretty normal.  There will be good days and bad days...  it is helping me to think about where I was a week ago.  The change during that time is absolutely amazing.  I am not sure if it was posted or not, but I actually coded the first night in the hospital.  The CNA came in my room to do vitals and found me unresponsive.  I remember waking up to about 20 doctors hovering over me busy, yelling, and anxious...I couldn't hear them over the loud ringing in my ears, but the looks on their faces scared me.  I remember trying to say, "am I going to make it?" I had a tube in my throat and could barely mumble words, so they couldn't hear me.  They didn't know I was awake, I guess, and I couldn't tell them.  It was a very humbling experience.  I couldn't talk for quite a while and finally found comfort in my Savior who let me know that if I wanted to continue on...I would.  And I wanted to so bad!!!  So much has happened in the last 11 days... I am so grateful to just be nauseous!

8 comments:

rc said...

you are so strong! We are so proud of all you have done-
YAY Team Shanda!!!-you are really healing now with those little ones at home with you!!!

heidi berry said...

You are amazing,my dearest Shanda! I went through the good/bad days after MOAS and HIPEC as well, one day you will wake up and feel good all the time! Looking forward to that day for you! Then we can share our amazing "journey" scars, and take our amazing doctor out! KEEP ON GOING!

Angel_Wings said...

Brave girl! I hope you'll be very blessed with healing and, as Heidi Berry said,feel better all the time.

Tracey said...

Oh Shanda you are amazing!! It makes me heart sick to hear your story but I marvel at the peace and comfort that you were given and pray that you continue to have that kind of support and peace poured out upon you.
I can only imagine how grateful you are to be home, there is nothing like your own bed! Your girls must be so thrilled! We will continue to pray for your recovery and hope the good days out number the bad!

Judaloo said...

This post made me cry. Its weird to hear it from the patients perspective. Love ya, Shanda Dear!!

The Mitchell Trio said...

What you said reminded me of another woman who related a very similar experience to having that desire to stay with her loved ones...have you read NieNie?
http://www.nieniedialogues.blogspot.com/
She is amazing...something to read up on if you haven't heard of her story. :)
Thinking of you.

Lexie said...

Wow, what an surreal experience and what an amazing feeling to know that you chose to stay and fight. What strength that will give you as you continue with this fight, to know you chose to finish the course and to know the Savior is there by your side. Love you!

The Person Family said...

Wow, Shanda. Heavenly Father has lots of plans for you. I am amazed by your positive attitude and know that will help you in your recovery. You have our love, thoughts, and support. Love you.