Saturday marked me being home a week from the hospital. It has definitely been a slower recovery than my other surgeries. So much trauma to my body this year has disabled my system from bouncing back as qiuckly as we would usually expect. I am counting my blessings everyday. When I have more energy to sit in this hard chair and type, I will share them with you. Once I get through these "bumps", my life should start to return slowly to our more "normal" family life. I can't even tell you how excited I am for some of those most basic things. I get tears in my eyes just thinking of them.
As an update, Friday night I was woke up by extreme pain in my abdomen. (yes..I have posted about this probably over 50 times in the last year). It was isolated to my right side and hurt more than anything I have experienced OUTSIDE of the hospital...and I have been through a lot, so you must understand that the pain was intense. It continued through the day Saturday, but I added a fever averaging 103 and vomiting. That was also excruciating, because I vomited/dry heaved intermittently all of Saturday night and pulled I don't know how many layers of the stiching and repairs they have done in me. I am worried...and don't even want to think about the damage that may have caused. I got a blessing...prayed fervently...and debated forever whether to go to the ER or not. I am getting to the point where I just would give anything to avoid Drs and most especially hospitals. My girls had passed eachother a small bug where they each had a mild fever for a couple of hours and Addie had puked once...then immediately felt better. I wondered if it might be that bug...just magnified strongly because of my weakened system. Saturday morning, the excruciating pain was gone and the fever had broken. I was relieved....until last night. I ran a fever again all night. It was a lower one of 101.7-9ish. (I might should explain that fever/nausea are signs after huge surgeries of infection!!) Instead of spending the day at the ER today, I am going to try to see if the cancer center will take my blood and do the pathology at least for initial testing. It is easier there...and we'll see what happens after that.
I broke down last night for another reason. My girls have been pretty amazing and resilient this past year, but I think Aana hit her breaking point. She just wanted to snuggle with my in my bed like we usually do a bit of everyday while reading together. I have been too sore and untouchable since I came home, was gone over 2 weeks in the hospital prior, and you know all of the rest. Last night she finally said, "Than just give me a fever MOM...make me sick...just let me lay here and be with you. I NEED you..., I miss you...(and you get the drift from here.) It broke my heart. I hope she knows how badly I want to be me again. I tried to comfort her and remind her of the amazing miracles and blessings we've incurred...but she is only 7 and was emotional. The sobbing from her room broke my heart in half. Retelling it doesn't recapture the pain in her eyes or the intensity of the situation at the time...but it was a rough mom moment for me.
I've had better weeks, but I've most definitely had worse. I am so determined to fight this fever, to gain strength, and start to live again! My heart is so grateful that it is in my near future...I have learned a LOT of patience this year...this will pass quickly. I will let you know the second that it does! Sorry for the long post, but it is way shorter than the babbling earfulls of who knows what that people kindly listened to when they visited me in the hospital. Narcotics seem to make me talk EVEN more than normal. Have a great day everyone!!!