I know I am overdue in posting but I have NOT had the energy AT ALL to even sit at the computer...or try to use the laptop in bed. Much has happened since I last posted, but basically I tanked. My body couldn't absorb nutrution...the perforation in my bowel isn't healing...there are complications, a million trips to the hospital, more vomiting than when I was on chemo, tons of tests, lots of pain, round the clock IV's, and a new pump to carry around that infuses me with 24 hour IV nutrition through my port, and SO much more. There are still no answers for the problems...and it all continues, but I promised myself I would blog today.
This little "mishap" by the doctor of accidentally perforating my bowel is proving to be a disaster. I have lost yet another month in my life...and am nowhere near healing. I am not a candidate for surgery as I am still to malnurished and my tissues area all too weak to hold stiches. I am just praying that I can stay home...as I teeter on the verge of being readmitted. I am praying that I can heal...quickly. I SO badly want to gain strength and start my recovery that is so long overdue. Many tears have been shed this month...tears of pain, tears of frustration, tears of confusion... I am still here...but my mind and body are getting tired. Other than the hospital and my house, I have not even been into a public place in over two months. It has been 13 months that I have been sick...10 months since I have been diagnosed with cancer...and I have held on strong. This set of circumstances has pushed me close to my breaking point. I just wish I could go to sleep and fast forward time... so that I could wake up and be closer to whole. My family needs me...and I need myself to come back. (that might sound strange, but I mean it...) I am not depressed as this sounds...but I AM exhausted!!!!