If you don't mind...

I would really appreciate your prayers.  Tomorrow is a big day full of lots of Ct scans, tests and another draining of the stomach fluid (ascites)that has been filling up my abdomen.  The last few months, my stomach has been growing and is full of fluid again...looking similiar to pregnancy.  It has grown quite a bit in the last week since I got sick...and the pain is near constant now. 

I have been trying to keep my fears on the down low... but I am really starting to try to mentally prepare myself for what is next.  They will drain the fluid again and test it for malignancy.  We don't know the cause of it.  Last August I had it really bad and was taken in for emergency surgery that I barely made it out of.  It is typically caused by cancer...but we can't seem to find where it is.  It is usually produced by the liver, but mine seems to be produced lower by my remaining ovary or something around it.  Organs don't typicaly weep...this is a bit exteme, but my abdomen has endured severe trauma.  I hope that is the cause.  That's also where the pain is centralized.  It is a deep, sharp pain that often takes away my breath and stops me in my tracks. I know it isn't normal...and I need to get it fixed.  My cancer usually spreads on the outside of organs and shuts them down...this feels much deeper.  The difference in the pain worries me in all honesty.  I am still very hopeful and know I will WIN this darn battle.  I have to admit, though, that I feel like I am possibly at the beginning a scary cycle again.  If you can remember, please keep me in your prayers.   I will share the results as soon as they are known.  My mind is FULL of positive self talk. Here we go!