Metamorposis...and Butterflies!

My oldest has been learning about metamorposis in school, so I decided to order some caterpillars for my girls to watch as they change into butterflies.  They LOVED it.  They would check everyday and Aana would teach us all about the caterpillars.  We learned that caterpillar waste is called "Fras."...and SO much more.  She is reading insect encyclopedias in her free time, so she was full of fun information.  After about a week, they got into their "J" shapes and became a chrysalis.  My girls checked on them several times and day and we were so lucky that we were in the room watching while three of them emerged as butterflies.   They are now outside and hopefully safe.  Do you know butterflies only live a couple of weeks?  That was news to me.

It got me thinking though...about the amazing processes of change that occur in our lives.  In mortality, a large part of our existence is to have experiences, grow, and change.   I have watched some of the most amazing transformations of lives, hearts, attitudes, and more...in my life and those around me.  I am grateful for those experiences that push me out of my comfort zone and cause me to change...and polish my rough edges.  For some reason our family's butterflies reminded me of our potential...as God's children...to grow and learn to fill our roles as the beautiful individuals he knows we can be. 

Bugz...and Bugs!

 Last week Aana was in a musical at her school called, "Bugz."  They sang, danced, and made us all laugh.  It was great!  All of the kids had to dress up like the bug of their choice.  I thought for sure she would want to be something beautiful like a butterfly, dragonfly or ladybug...but I was WRONG.  She wanted to be a beetle (more specifically a stink bug!)  Kids are SO random!  She stunk (by her own doing) and put a pillow up her back to look like a rounded exoskeleton.  I wasn't sure what else to do for that one. 

Don't let anything stop you from enjoying the sunshine in YOUR life!

Friday, I was given the opportunity to speak to over 500 middle school students and tell them my "survival" story to promote cancer awarenes.  I was asked the day before and had very little time to prepare...but the words just came to me and I think it went well.  Beyond talking about cancer...my goal was to give them all "hope" in their own trials...and remind them that they also can do hard things!

Best Mothers Day gifts ever...

 

Aana wrote this for me and laminated it for Mother's Day.  I LOVED IT!



Outside of Heart Card from Addie



Inside: "Mom, HABE! MOTHERS" (she forgot day)...she spelled it herself. I LOVE phoenetic spelling. 



Vegas Dental Convention

Last week the entire staff of my husband's dental office flew to Las Vegas for a huge dental convention.  There were 16 total...14 women and the two drs.  Lets just say the men were outnumbered.  We learned a ton during the classes and came home with alot of fun new ideas for the practice...but we also made time for fun. We all went to see the Cirque Du Soleil show "Beatles LOVE"...and it was wonderful!  Larry and I also went to see the Blue Man Group and sat up front in the paint splash zone.  Once again...we didn't take any pictures (lame, I know), but a booth at the conference took this one.  Nice face, Larry!

We had a great trip, but that place is SO filthy.  It was nice to return to a smoke free, sober environment.  I was away from my girls for mother's day...but they were in good hands.  My Mother in law and sister in law, Marianne, flew out and took care of them.  The kids had a blast and we were all happy!

Amazing Easter!

I always love Easter, but this year seemed extra special to me.  My husband was home all weekend, my girls were giggly and excited, we dyed egs...and hunted for eggs, the weather was nice, my daughters were like sponges asking insightful questions about Christ's resurrection, we saw a beautiful play depicting the life and mission of our Savior, we went to my parent's house for a wonderful Easter dinner, and we enjoyed time with our family.  It was a beautiful weekend! 

I was caught up in moments...not worrying about catching a great shot of the girls in easter dresses or hunting for eggs.  I'll post the few that we got anyway.

I have a strong testimony of our Savior, Jesus Christ.  I am so grateful for the knowledge I have of him.  I spent time each day studying his life and final weeks.  I have gotten to know him much better this year and I will be forever grateful for his atonement.

‎"The key is not to prioritize your schedule

but to schedule your priorities."

- Stephen R. Covey

I love this quote...I am really trying to live this way.  I want to work each day toward my goals, make time for the things that really matter, and not regret not living each day to it's potential.

More questions than answers! But here's what I know

I have gone to a few appointments this week to get results from recent ct scans and other tests.   I have known from the beginning that my cancer is rarely detected in these tests.  I had over 10 ct scans and they were never able to "see" my stage 4 cancer.  I have an elusive cancer breed, I guess. 

That being said, they didn't see tumors on my scans, but there was other evidence of malignancy.  I have some tests with liver counts that are worrisome (apparently I'm close to being jaundice...no yellowing yet, but I am itchy all over and I guess that is why.)  I also have more of that fluid build-up back in my abdominal cavity.  Last time I had this,  I looked pregnant overnight and this one is accumulating much slower.  My remaining ovary and uteris are painful, angry and are covered in cysts, but they are very hesitant to operate on me to fix them.  Basically, the drs are scratching their heads and wondering what to do next.  So...we can't see cancer, but can't explain other sympotms that are most often caused by cancer.   We are going to try to wait and see what happens with the ascites (fluid)...and will likely have it drained and checked for malignancy.   Beyond that, I'm not sure. 

But...I feel good...I wish there were more definitive answers, but am grateful at least that they didn't see anything big or obvoius.  I am enjoying the break from chemo, surgeries, and hospitals.  I feel like I am good hands both medically and spiritually.  That is enough to keep me going!  I continue to count my blessings everyday!

The only way to climb a mountain...

Is one step at at time!
A couple of days ago we went hiking as a family for the first time.  When we sat at the base, my children thought there was NO way we were going to make it all the way to the top.  We started our trek...one step at a time...and before we knew it...we were on the top looking down.  We had a great lesson on the top about setting goals and keeping our eyes on our goals.  We talked about how we can do hard things...one step at a time.  Life has reminded me of this simple lesson several times lately.  If you are facing things that you find insurmountable...just remember, you CAN do it, one step, or day, or moment at a time.  We can do hard things!  We are not alone!  I been gently reminded to always keep my eyes on my goals and spend time on the things that mattermost.  I have committed to trying to make all my moments count!

Tests tomorrow and National Young Adult Cancer Awareness Week

Tomorrow I have CT scans and other tests that have me a bit nervous.  Your prayers have been heard and yeilded amazing miracles... please keep me in your prayers tonight if you can.  I won't know results until next week when I meet with all of my specialists.  I will let you know as soon as I do. 

Also...this week is National Young Adult Cancer Awareness week.  Did you know that more people between 20-39 die each year from Cancer than all of the other leading causes combined?  Also..most of those deaths are because the cancer is detected when it is too far advanced.  If you have symptoms that you know aren't right...get them checked.  If the dr. dismisses your concern because of your age...get a 2nd opinion.  I sure wish I would have.  Early detection makes a world of difference in treatment.

Simple moments

Its the simplest things that I find myself cherishing SO much!  Today the girls and I played at the park, took a walk, skipped rocks, had a picnic with friends, made dinner, and laughed a lot.  It was a great day!  I continue to count my blessings!  I have several cancer tests coming up this week, so please keep that in your prayers.  I don't know what is next, but I am sure grateful for today!

Change...

First, my Addie got glasses.  I took her in for a checkup just because we love our eye doctor.  To my surprise, we found out Addie REALLY needed glasses.  I'm so glad we took her.  I think she is darling in glasses.  (but I am a bit partial...)  I just wish I would have known earlier. 

Second...last week she decided to cut her hair.  She blamed it on the cat.  We found a big pile of hair in the toyroom.  This is just one side...but she skilfully cut both.  She used to have a cute A-line that was longer in the front...but now it is a cute mullet.  Then she tried to tell me she was making it "crazy" like mine.

SMILE :)

Lately I have had an almost permanent smile on my face. 

(That doesn't mean my days go by without difficulty or contention...don't get me wrong.) 
I am going about my day often stop and realize how far I have come this past year and I find myself offering prayers of gratitude. 

I appreciate SO MUCH MORE the abundance

of AMAZINGNESS that exists around us. 

There are so many things that fill my days that make me smile.

In thinking about smiling, I have been reminded  of how it feels good to smile.. and how it is is contagious (if someone smiles at me...I reflexively smile back...and we both feel better.) 

I love the quote,
"SMILE and the world smiles back at YOU!" 

It's so true.. trials are more bearable, our attitudes are more positive, people are much more comfortable around us...and we feel happier by simply smiling!

"..If you smile with your fear and sorrow,

Smile and maybe tomorrow...

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just...SMILE."

Making memories

We flew in after midnight last night from an awesome family trip to Disneyland. I came home exhausted, but so happy. I was able to show my children that I AM ALIVE. I tried so hard to make every minute fun for them...and keep up with their unending energy. They have been by my side through some things that no child should have to witness...so I was thrilled to have the energy and health to make a new memory with them. I cherished each moment and feel so appreciative for the health I am enjoying. 

We laughed, held hands, skipped, raced, sang, smiled, and spent time together.  It was perfect! 

This was a huge deal because Addie just made the 40'' required to ride almost ALL of the rides.  She had no idea what to expect with the roller coasters so we took her on all of them.

Woody here is made out of LEGOS... My kids and husband have a new obsession with Legos...so they thought this was pretty awesome.

Worn out from too much fun!

Update

I realized today as I was talking to a friend that I need to update you all on my health and current prognosis.  I am feeling GREAT.  That doesn't mean perfect... but great compared to what it could be.  There are still many things that make my days challenging, but don't dwell on them because none of them even come close to this past year or  a few months ago when I came so close to my deathbed.  I am having some spells of total loss of memory and ability.  I will be driving for example and all of a sudden won't remember where I am or which pedal is the gas or brake.  I entered a silly ping pong tournament with Larry on our cruise and in the middle completely forgot how to hit a ping pong ball.  They are odd things that occur at odd times, but they worry me.  My bowels (in the spirit of full honesty) are pretty awful...but I am still SO grateful that I don't have to have a colostomy bag.  They work...just not the same as usual.  (sorry again to mention...)  My legs are still numb to my knees.  A few times lately I have had bloody blisters that I never could even feel because of the numbness.  Walking/running is awkward because of the strange sensation of numbness, but I am doing much better.  It feels the strangest in tennis, but it works.  I am SO grateful to be able to play!  My hairloss STOPPED...just as my thin combover on the top was about to go.  I have a bald spot in the back.  I have learned to cover it...and I have a wig.  The good news is that hair just started growing on my legs again so I think I will have new peach fuzz on my head.  I have bad hair right now...but it is hair.  I didn't expect to keep any.  No complaints.  My vision is returning in most places.  I am so grateful to be able to read again...but I am still addicted to audiobooks that kept my brain from turning into mush in the hospital.

I know you really want to know where my cancer is right now.  Answer:  I don't know.  I have more scans and tests scheduled this month.  Please continue to keep me in your prayers.  The reoccurrence rate in stage 4 cancer is very high...but I feel SO optimistic.  I have been so aggressive in treatments and have survived all of those.  I will update you as I get results.

Today...

Addie asked me if we could make Old Maid bread together.  I couldn't help but drop everything and just hold her in my arms.  As much as I feel like I missed this last year of her life...I am so grateful for those moments that remind me she is still my LITTLE girl.  So I think we will make "homemade" bread. 

Aana's Baptism...It's great to be 8!

This weekend was wonderful for our family.  Our oldest, Aana was baptized.  In our faith, we baptize our children after they are 8 years old...and Aana has been counting down the days since her birthday. She has such a wonderful sensitivity to the spirit and such a desire to learn about Christ.  She amazes me!  She set a goal in sept. to read the entire Book of Mormon before she got baptized...and that is a HUGE goal for a girl that was seven.  She worked so HARD...read chapters everynight...and studied with Larry and I trying to understand the hard words.  (if you have never read the Book of Mormon...it is an AMAZING book and is another testament of Jesus Christ and has old language just like the Bible.)  It has over 500 pages and challenging words...but it is SO worth reading and she did it...and it was a wonderful experience to watch her reach this goal.

10 Years of Marriage, an Amazing Cruise...and LIVING it up!

We just got back from the Caribbean and LOVED every minute of it.  I don't think I would have changed a thing!  Our pictures don't reflect all of the fun we had because our new camera is a bit large to carry around all of the time.  We swam with dolphins, SURFED, zip lined, performed in a dance mob, entered doubles ping pong tournaments, dodge ball tournaments, watched broadway shows, ice skated, climbed rock walls, snorkeled the largest reef in the Caribbean, ATE, laughed, and LIVED!  I constantly had to stop and thank my Heavenly Father for the miracle of being able to do all of those things.  It was SO much fun!!!  It was the perfect way to celebrate...here's to 50 more years of marriage!