Aana's Baptism...It's great to be 8!

This weekend was wonderful for our family.  Our oldest, Aana was baptized.  In our faith, we baptize our children after they are 8 years old...and Aana has been counting down the days since her birthday. She has such a wonderful sensitivity to the spirit and such a desire to learn about Christ.  She amazes me!  She set a goal in sept. to read the entire Book of Mormon before she got baptized...and that is a HUGE goal for a girl that was seven.  She worked so HARD...read chapters everynight...and studied with Larry and I trying to understand the hard words.  (if you have never read the Book of Mormon...it is an AMAZING book and is another testament of Jesus Christ and has old language just like the Bible.)  It has over 500 pages and challenging words...but it is SO worth reading and she did it...and it was a wonderful experience to watch her reach this goal.

10 Years of Marriage, an Amazing Cruise...and LIVING it up!

We just got back from the Caribbean and LOVED every minute of it.  I don't think I would have changed a thing!  Our pictures don't reflect all of the fun we had because our new camera is a bit large to carry around all of the time.  We swam with dolphins, SURFED, zip lined, performed in a dance mob, entered doubles ping pong tournaments, dodge ball tournaments, watched broadway shows, ice skated, climbed rock walls, snorkeled the largest reef in the Caribbean, ATE, laughed, and LIVED!  I constantly had to stop and thank my Heavenly Father for the miracle of being able to do all of those things.  It was SO much fun!!!  It was the perfect way to celebrate...here's to 50 more years of marriage!

Belated birthday posts...

Life has been crazy, but Aana and Addie's birthdays can't be over looked.  It has been a fun, busy, but amazing month for our family.  We count our blessings everyday!  We are so grateful for these beautiful rays of sunshine in our lives!! 







  



Aana wanted brownies..





So surprised from all of their amazing gifts.  :)







Aana was SO excited to get her OWN scriptures!







My mom made Addie a cake of ALL her favorite things.  Take a look...it's pretty funny. Mac 'n Cheese, pancakes, chocolate, gogurts, cupcakes, string cheese, etc.  Awesome!



Cruising...and Celebrations!

Another reason I have been SO busy is that I have been trying to get ready to go on vacation with my husband to celebrate our 10 year anniversary. (Feb. 16th)  We went on a cruise for our honeymoon 10 years ago and wanted to go to celebrate this year as well.   We will be in Royal Caribbean's newest ship the Allure of the Seas and are headed to there before dawn in the morning.

We are so excited for some sun (because I missed ALL of last summer)...a chance to celebrate...a chance to LIVE a little... and feel so blessed to be able to do this!!!  I AM SO GRATEFUL to be feeling better right now!

So expect a ton of pictures when I get back...and more updates.  Thanks for your patience!

Belated Birthday Post

These past couple of weeks have FLOWN by...but before more time passes, I have to mention that both of my girls had birthdays this week.   Feb. 7th is the luckiest day I have ever had.

On that day, four years apart, my two most precious treasures entered the world.  I have been a busy mom planning parties, throwing parties, and cleaning up from parties.  Both girls had a blast and pics will follow, but for now...I will post their drawings of them.

Aana's Pajama Pancake Party Picture with her friends

Addie and her cake (that is a table...not a bug on the right)

Present ponderings

I'm feeling stronger and tackling  more each day.  The past two weeks have been cleaning out the garage...which for those that saw it before can understand what a task it was.  I have given away ALL of my girls baby clothes, the crib, etc.  Is it just me, or are those moments bittersweet?  Sweet because my husband will quit nagging me...(sorry Larry) but sad in that I was parting with SO many memories...and a VERY dear chapter of my life.  I held on to them in hopes another child would come into our lives.  I'm not sure that could happen now.  There really aren't any others who have conceived after the HIPEC (heated chemo and accompanying surgeries) that I have had.  I LOVE motherhood...and my prayer is that if there are more that are meant for our family...that they will somehow come.  My heart is willing and open.  (sorry, tough topic for me, but I wanted to vent it.)

On the flip side, I am thrilled that I am getting to raise the beautiful girls that I have.  We treasure each day...and often stop to offer our gratitude that I am feeling well enough to do whatever we had been doing at that time.  My life has changed dramatically over the past year~no doubt about that!

I am the president of our family's party planning committee (jk!) which is working HARD this week.  For those that don't know, my daughters were both born on the same day...just 4 years apart.  I am hosting Addie's little party tomorrow morning...and Aana's on Saturday morning.  I am busy, but happy.  I can't complain.  It is SO wonderful to be able to DO things...

She Reads...

I forgot to post, but a couple of weeks ago Addie was on school field trip to our local children's museum.  She didn't want to play, but spent the entire time making words with magnetic letters on a huge magnet board.  We spelled sentences and she kept sounding them out and reading them.  I was pretty surprised.  I haven't been able to work with her as much as I wanted this year (for obvious reasons...) but I think Aana has been a great teacher for her.  Now she is a reading machine and she is SO excited.  Tonight she told me her goal was to read all of her Dr. Seuss books by herself.  She's only 3...we need to take it one step at a time! Kids are amazing!!!  I love how happy this discovery has made her.

Blowing away...

The wind here is so bad right now and I am grateful to be inside.  My hair is falling out so badly that I am afriad I would be like a kid blowing on a dandelion if I walked outside...with all of my hair blowing away.  I am trying to preserve what is left, so I think it is best that I stay inside until this goes away! 

I guess I should share what I learned about my hair loss.  I went to specialists who tested samples of hair from all over my head.  I guess when I got so horribly ill after the last surgery and my body starting shutting down...it killed my hair cycle as well.  It manifests 10-12 weeks later and is now all falling out.  There is nothing they can do.  We think it will start to regrow, but it will take a couple more months to even start with new peach fuzz.  I am just trying to preserve what is left in hopes I don't lose it all (though it is likely.)  I am now using ALL of the hats that were shared with me this year.  I am even going for a wig fitting. I am not sure how to feel about that, but I am reminded that it could be so much worse.

AmAzInG!!!!

It has been a GREAT WEEK.  I have had energy enough to start trying to organize my poor house that has been neglected all year.  One room, drawer, and cabinet at a time...it is coming together.  When you can hardly clean for SO long...you actually are grateful when you can do it again!  I never thought I would say this, but I am loving it!

Also...TODAY I played in my first tennis match in over a year and a half.  I didn't play very well, but I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT!!!   My body has been ravaged and put through HELL, but is working so hard trying to heal and gain strength.  I am so extremely grateful for the miracles that have occurred.  Today seemed like the manifestation of yet another miracle to me.  It made me SO happy!  I have  had a permanent grin ever since.  I would miss a shot that I should have easily made, but it didn't bother me...I would just think...oh well, at least my body is moving!  I count my blessings everyday!!!  I'm sorry to sound SO darn cheezy, but I can't help it.  I am SO grateful for MY LIFE!!!!

A year ago today...

I got the call that changed so much in my life.  I only mention because it has been on my mind alot today.  I must be hard for doctors to have to give news like that.  Tomorrow I got to the cancer ctr. for most testing but I feel like all will be well.  That is a huge contrast from all of the testing earlier this year.  I'll take it! :)

SO glad it is a NEW YEAR!

2010 will be a year I will NEVER FORGET!!! I survived this year by the skin of my teeth...but each day seems to bring be a step closer to my "old" life.  I just erased the words"old Self"...as there is NO way that I could return to my old self and not be changed by all that happened this past year.  To quote one of my favorite songs from the musical Wicked..."I have been changed, FOR GOOD!"

I am overwhelmed as I sit and think of all of the life changing moments that are emblazoned in my mind from this last year...and of all of the things I learned.

I will never forget the doctors voice as he told me "Shanda, you have cancer!"  It was one of the ONLY times in life that I have been truly speechless.  I can't even desribe the feelings I had at that moment.

I will never forget the feeling of comfort that overcame me as I immediately prayed and brought my fears to the Lord.  I will never forget him carrying me, literally carrying me during my darkest hours when my body was failing me.  I fell asleep many nights begging for my life...and the chance to raise my children...and asking the Lord just to help me make it through that night.

I have learned that we are much stronger than we could ever imagine, especially when the Lord is on our side.

I have been reminded that the Lord hears each and every one of our prayers!

I will never forget the AMAZING SUPPORT that came from all over the country and in so many forms.  I was taught by your examples of service, compassion, tenderness, and love.  I will serve better throughout my whole life because of what I learned from YOU!  I know understand true charity as I have felt it in my life!

I have been reminded that trials are more bearable if we meet them cheerfully. 

I learned to NEVER take our bodies or our health for granted.  Wow, life is different when they are in jeopardy! 

Most importantly, I have been reminded how precious life is...and how important it is that we use our time wisely.  Cherish those moments that matter, love those around you, don't let the distractions of the world take your eyes off what matters most, don't put off the important things thinking you'll have time to do them later, and take time to smile and count your blessings each day!

Merry Christmas...and our wish to you all this year is that you can feel the joy of the Savior's birth, feel his peace and comfort in your lives, and remember his example throughout the year!

The Reason for the Season

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I have LOVED watching my little Addie enjoy HER little nativity.  She is so tender with the baby Jesus...and re-enacts the Christmas story several times a day.  I have been so grateful for our tender conversations about Jesus that we have had this month.  This is what I wanted for Christmas!  It makes me so happy!

Enjoying the holidays...

The shopping and wrapping are done...and now it is time for us to enjoy the holidays.  Larry his feeling better and WE ARE ALL TOGETHER (and healthy)!  That is what I wanted for Christmas... and it seems as though I have gotten it!  I am so grateful! 

More hospitals...but for my husband this time!

Poor Larry had a surgery to remove his kidney stones two weeks ago in hopes that he could avoid more trips to the ER and hospital.  It didn't work at all...but instead caused more and made them start dropping.  We were going to go Christmas shopping in friday and dropped our kids off to a friend...a block later he is in severe pain and we end up in the ER.  Last night he was admitted to the hospital and this afternoon her had another surgery. I hope this one worked.  He has 10 stones currently on his kidneys...and he's NOT excited about that!
Lesson learned...make prayers more specific.  We have been praying that I would be home and away from the hospital for the holidays.  Maybe we should have asked for the whole family to be home feeling well.  Just kidding!  :)  I feel bad for Larry...but am grateful he is healthy other than that.  Good health is truly a WONDERFUL blessing!

Inspiration...

"This Christmas, mend a quarrel.

Seek out a forgotten friend.

Dismiss suspicion and replace it with trust.

Write a letter. Give a soft answer. Encourage youth.

Manifest your loyalty in word and deed. Keep a promise.

Forgo a grudge. Forgive an enemy.

Apologize. Try to understand.

Examine your demands on others.

Think first of someone else.

Be kind. Be gentle. Laugh a little more.

Express your gratitude. Welcome a stranger.

Gladden the heart of a child.

Take pleasure in the beauty and wonder of the earth.

Speak your love and then speak it again."

-Howard W. Hunter

I LOVE this quote...and have tried for the last several years to do these things throughout the month of December.  This year I decided to print them and put them in a jar.  I pull one out each day and try to focus on that.  It has helped me to feel more of the spirit of the holiday...despite the chaos of shopping, wrapping, etc.  
Try a few of these things today...and let me know how it goes.  I guarantee it will brighten your day! 

Back in the game...and remembering rainbows!

I went shopping I have resumed my "old" life as much as possible...and I forgot how hectic it was.  I am a taxi, chef, receptionist, maid, accountant, personal shopper, babysitter...and you get my drift.  Factor in the holiday chaos, my forever long list of to do's to make up for the last year...and my overall lack of energy...and hopefully you understand my limited blog posts. 

It is great!  ALL of it!  I love being needed again by my family and being able contribute.  I am overwhelmed by all that I need to do, but am SO grateful that I can do all of those things!   I saw this (double) rainbow when I came home yesterday from a marathon errand running day...and I was reminded of the beauties in this life.  Life is GOOD...not always easy, but SO worth it!

Big and BALD? No...

I never imagined I would spend a year on a public forum talking about my bowels, but I never imagined I would admit this either:

I have gained over 30 pounds in the last 4 weeks.  Aaah~  My doctors are thrilled... but wow...I hope this slows down.  They think it is my body trying to adapt as it has been in starvation mode for so long.  I'm not sure what to say about that.  I dropped down to to the point where all of my ribs were showing, but not any more! :)  Several people have commented when they have seen me, so just wanted to address it on the blog.  Yes...  I have gained some weight.  (Can you blame me?  Food tastes WAY better than IV nutrition.  And I cook a lot better than the hospital cafeteria... but then again, who doesn't?)

On a different note...I am losing my hair again.  And quickly!  I never went bald with chemo, but thinned quite a bit.  Luckily my hair was very thick to start with.  We aren't sure what is causing it now...but it is coming out in handfulls and I hope it stops.  They ran several tests at the cancer center today.  I hope they find an answer...I don't want to be BIG and BALD for Christmas. (I say this jokingly) 

I still have some other strange, lingering symptoms, but compared to what I am used to...they are nothing! I have  pain all over my body underneath my skin. It is hard to explain, but hurts when putting on lotion, getting hugs, and things like that. My legs from my knees down are completely numb...and feel very strange as well as my fingers. They move correctly but feel detached in strange way. My feet cause the most problems...they feel like strange weights that I carry around. I have to consciously think about them when I walk or I stumble...It is a hard sensation to get used to. And my stomach is still swollen and sore, but I think I will have that for quite a while. 

Please know I don't tell you these things to complain, but I have tried to be very open through this whole process and this is a part of it I haven't mentioned in quite a while.  Other than that...I am feeling great.  Every day gets better...you will hardly catch me not smiling!

Update...

This morning we are headed to the hospital for a quick surgery for Larry (NOT FOR ME!!!)  He is getting several kidney stones blasted in hopes that he can avoid problems in the future.  He has had 3 now and has at least 4 more hanging on his kidney.  We hope it goes well and that he will be back to normal quickly. 

We are returning to normal...though it is a slow progression.  I have short bursts of energy, but they seem to increase almost daily.  I even got to scrub my own house this week.  (yes..I was grateful to scrub bathrooms!)  I have to be REALLY careful because bending hurts, but it was nice to feel a bit more self sufficient.  I have been taking care of my girls each day on my own for a few weeks...which is AMAZING!  My youngest is glued to my hip and just keeps telling me how much she missed me and loves me.  My oldest is just making up for lost time with me.  She has a mile long list of things she wants us "to do" together.  We are going to have so much fun this month...I am so excited!

I was thinking yesterday about how much my life has changed over recent months and just was completely overwhelmed by how much better it has gotten.  I almost forgot about the side effects of my chemo...there were some miserable ones, but another was how I wasn't able to drink or touch anything cold.  That was hard over the summer...no cold water, smoothies, ice cream, etc. BUT.. With all of the freezing weather and snow I am feeling SO grateful that I did that during the summer, or I would have been in trouble. (cold things caused so much pain in my throat, hands, feet, or wherever it touched.)  Small blessings...but there are SO many.  That is just one of a million...but I am grateful I did my chemo in the summer.

I can't even explain how wonderful it is to be at home versus a hospital.  If you have never been there for more than a few days than it is hard to even fathom what I am talking about.  I hope you NEVER have to experience long stays there.  I am SO excited that I no longer have IV nutrition, a wound vac pump to carry around, or a chemo fanny pack.  I am so excited to NOT be connected to a constant IV pole.  I am thrilled to have been able to STOP taking all medicines except a vitamin.  I felt like I was in a medicine induced coma this past year and it is nice to be clear headed again.    I am so grateful that my vision has returned...because it kept me from reading for many months this year.  (Your whole body responds to extreme trauma...and my eyes were NOT working!) 

I am so grateful that I have been able to serve others a little bit lately.  It is amazing being able to be on the giving end again.  I am reminded that there are truly times and seasons for everything.  I hope that I can share some of the comfort and help that SO MANY amazing people shared with me.  I will never forget all of the kindness that was shown to my family this last year.  It is something that has changed me...and will be with me FOREVER!!!

And...I have to remind you that You are AWESOME...and I am grateful for YOU!  This blog has given me an outlet through all of this and has been an amazing source of support and strength.  Thanks for putting up with my ramblings, my sorrows, and for seeing me through this.

Oh yeah...

TODAY...I went to the gym!!  I wasn't sure what I would be capable of...but I did a class and was SO excited.  I am pretty sure I just sat there with a big grin on my face the WHOLE time.  It felt so good to move my body.  I can't wait until I can try tennis again!!!!