~LUCKY vs. Blessed~

I was preparing my lesson to teach for singing time on sunday...and found myself thinking alot about  "LUCK." I often catch myself saying how LUCKY I have been in different situations. I was reading a different music blog that inspired me yesterday. I am going to focus and reminded myself to give MORE credit to the tender mercies of a loving, AMAZING Heavenly Father...than to LUCK. I know the Lord is aware of each of us in our lives...and is truly with us ALWAYS...we often overlook his blessings and attribute them to good luck or coincidence.
I feel so LUCKY in so many ways...but REALLY feel so BLESSED!!!

ExCiTiNg NEWS!! and INTRO to "Out Living It"

I'm not sure where to even start with this...because I am so passionate about it and excited about the project!  By now you have all read about the AMAZING whitewater kayaking retreat I did last summer for cancer survivors through First Descents... and what I didn't write about at the time was that we had Michael Brown of Serac Films there filming with his stellar crew.  Michael has won 3 Emmys as well as MANY other awards for his films...and beyond that he is just an amazing, humble, kind man. 

They filmed our adventures there and are finishing a movie about our group of cancer survivors and our experience. I feel honored and humbled by the chance to be included and share part of my experience. I even had some filming done at my house later just to get some footage of my family spending time together.  The film is premiering at the Aspen Film Festival in the ShortsFest on April 14th...and I will be flying out for the premier.  Because how many other times in life will I see myself on screen for an renowed film festival?  I'm so excited to see it!!!!  They just released a small trailer that you can view below.  
The intro is Michael Brown, the amazing director....explaining that the film has the potenetial to change lives....and do amazing things.  He has donated all of his time, talents, and energy since last summer getting it ready, but it needing donations to help them finish editing, finish the sountrack, and distributing it nationwide to make a difference.  The trailer follows his quick comments.  I am in several of the shots.  My FD name is "Limbo"...and I have a red boat!  Check it out!  Tell me what you think of the trailer.l The link is where you can make a donation...and even $1 is hugely appreciated to finish this amazing project.
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1764041027/out-living-it

Over 200 kids...and a TON of energy!

I can't even tell you how tired I am....but the Zumbatomic classes were a hit.  Someone took a video I hope to post later today.  I taught over 200 girls and ALL of them participated and had so much fun!  Great day!!

It begins!

Tomorrow I start teaching Zumbatomic...and will be teaching 9 mini-classes for 6 hours straight!!!  It is for a volunteer church program for girls.  It will be an exhausting blast!!!  I'll let you know how it goes.  I just can't believe I can even do it!  Again I find myself being so grateful for LIFE!!!!!

The things KIDS say...

Today when I picked Addie up from preschool, I could tell her teacher was acting a bit funny. She told me Addie hadn't been feeling well.  When I got in the car, I asked her how she was feeling and what she told her teacher.  She said, "I told my teacher I was really sick and that you told me not to tell her or she would send me home."  Hmm...
Well, I did tell her that she had allergies and needed to take meds this morning, but that she wasn't really sick...so not to worry or tell her teachers.  So I guess she was kind of right.

More zumba training...and More Fun!

I'm continuing my journey in my "Life List"...and accomplished two things this week.  One was that I taught myself how to french braid.  You might laugh, but it was on my list.  And now it is checked off.

Next, I put myself out there again and spent this wekend in Portland becoming licensed to be a Zumbatomic instructor.  I already did the adult Zumba instructor training...but this was a separate class.  Zumbatomic is an amazing kids fitness program and I can't wait to start teaching it in this area.  It is really SO MUCH FUN!! I'm sore and exhausted, but excited.  I'll give you more details as they come.
I continue to show MY body that I am the boss...not cancer!

I've come so far...and I'm SO grateful!

 I had to go through my surgery pics for a different project and have been able to see how far I've really come.  There are SO many things that have changed in my body, my life, and my perspective...but it is humbling to see where I came from.  Life is such a blessing!
My advice... Whatever your trials are (as we ALL have them)...keep putting one foot in front of the other...keep counting your blessings...keep looking toward the sun and finding the silver lining.  There is ALWAYS a silver lining...Trials will always be there...but SO are the blessings!

Great day...and a great cause!

I just got home from playing in my first tennis tournament.   It as a Net Benefit to support our local cancer center resource center.  A new tennis friend and I played doubles and we won our division!   It was a very friendly low stress tournament, but was a great start to competitive tennis for me.

I felt grateful...to be on court... to be running for great shots down the alley...and feeling STRONG.  I am continually amazed at our ability to heal...and am thankful my  VERY IMPERFECT body and my LIFE.  I have learned to really slow down and cherish those moments....as they happen.  Not cherishing the victory, but the ability to play.   It was fun to be a SURVIVOR playing in a cancer charity tournament.  Thanks to all those that participated and earned so much for such a great cause!

Cancer is more than just chemo and surgeries...It is learning how to LIVE!

 The truth is...the things that are most important, I didn't include;  Reading to my girls, teaching the primary children songs about our Savior, being able to serve those around me and give back, enjoying time with my family..
.LIFE is my passion...and I'm so grateful for mine!

CeLeBrAtInG!

I am now a licensed ZUMBA instructor...but more importantly, today was my 11 year wedding anniversary.  Here's to 11+11+11+11+11+11 more!

My new "LIFE LIST"...

I am packing to leave town tomorrow to check off yet another thing on my "life list".  (which is somewhat like a bucket list, I guess...but is comprised of things I want to do in my life.)  I am making lists of things I want to do.  I spent too many years being afraid to try new things, to look dumb putting myself out there, and avoided getting outside my comfort zone.  Cancer has caused me to face many fears head on...and I've learned that I CAN do much more than I ever imagined or gave myself credit for.  And trying new things is only hard if I let it be.  I have discovered some amazing new hobbies in the last two years and can't figure out why I spent so much of my life missing out on SO much!

No one knows...but this week I am going to become a certified ZUMBA instructor.  Why not right?  Yep...that's what I said. This is another thing I am doing...just to show my body that I am in control...and that I can.  I'll let you know how it goes.  

Also...Last week I officially signed up as the captain of a competitive USTA tennis team.  I'm weak... but full of passion for a game that I LOVE.  So...bring it!  I love the chance to practice and make my physical weaknesses strong.  I am training for it like I would a marathon.  And I am committed!  Win or lose...I feel like I've won just by overcoming my fear to try.  

A day to rejoice in LOVE...

Free Printable from thegirlcreative

I adore Valentines day...as it is a celebration of LOVE.  It think too often we get stuck in the idea of the presence/ (or lack of) romantic love in our lives...but it is so much more.  Even those that feel alone...are surrounded by love.  Hopefully everyone is able to feel LOVED...by their Heavenly Father, by their family, and by their friends. One lesson I learned this year...is that we don't often enough share our love.  I was near death a few times, and YOU ALL rallied around me and poured out your LOVE (to which I will be forever grateful!!)  It caused me to think, though...how much we each need that in every step of our journey in life and I am recommitted to showing those in my life how much I appreciate them...everyday. 

Sometimes, it comes as a random long hug for my kids...or looking them in the eyes and telling them how much I love certain parts of their personalities...or a small note of gratitude for my husband...or letting go of a quarrel that isn't important so we can focus on what IS important... or telling my friends and neighbors how much I appreciate them in my life.  Some people brighten up immediately...and some have a hard time hearing it, but I am trying even harder to share my LOVE.  My heart is full this day.  My girls and I spent hours making small tokens of love to share with neighbors and family.  We drove around and left surprises on doorsteps and it felt good.  If you haven't already... express love and gratitude... and hug someone special just a little bit longer than usual.  Love is an AMAZING gift!

My personal Labor Day...TWO birthdays and celebrations!

Both of my amazing daughters had their birthday last week.  They were both born...on the same day...8 lbs, 8oz...on February 7th...4 years apart.  For some reason, that day is when labor works for me!

We spent the week in party preparations and had a blast.  The girls had a combined ZUMBA party.  They each invited their friends and danced their hearts out.  There were dancing lights, mirrors, and of course...Zumba.  They LOVED it!!!  I saw moves that I think they must have gotten from their father...because I know I can't do them.

NEW FOCUS...and OH SO ALIVE!

My blogging lull will soon come to an end, as I have new ideas.  I have spent much of the last two years sharing part of my experience being diagnosed with cancer, my way of coping with my diagnosis, my surgeries, my chemo experiences, and more... but since there are no treatments or surgeries on the near horizon... I will now dramatically shift my focus.  Now I want to share how I LIVE... and experience each day to its fullest.  How I share my love with my family...how I treasure and organize my time (the best I can)... and how I no longer let fears rule my life as I move forward doing things I never imagined I would... and SMILING all the way!

Tonight my kids are puking and need my help.  But I am so grateful to be able to take care of them for a change...as they have been by my bedside so many times!  I have so much more to share...

To be continued!!!

Oh and...

Did I tell you I got accepted to come back for a second year First Descents camp...and will be kayaking for a week in Glacier National park this summer?  I can't tell you how excited I am for that!!!!

Applications are now open for First Descents.  If you know any cancer survivor/fighter that is 18-39...please encourage them to apply.  It has been one of the greatest experiences of my life...and it is an experience not to be missed.  ( Don't get cancer so that you can apply...but if you are already a "survivor"...then sign up here...and tell them "Limbo" sent you.)  And...don't forget...it FREE.

I will be doing a challenge for myself to pay it forward for a first year camper for Team FD...so watch for that.  I'm still trying to think of a cool way to challenge myself and help out. If you have any ideas...feel free to drop me a comment or email.  Also...my team FD page is here....if you would like to make a small donation to give another survivor the amazing experience that I had.  No pressure...

Scan results and life...

I haven't posted very much, but I have so much to share.  I really need to post pictures.  I have been so busy just trying to get the strength and jump back into MY AMAZING LIFE with both feet.  My girls keep me busy doing crafts, running them to lessons and school, playing games, and catching up on everything else we missed out on the last two years.  We count our blessing daily that we are together and are able to do whatever we want to with our days.  You should hear the prayers of gratitude offered several times a day at our house.  My kids don't miss a chance to bless my health and thank Heavenly Father for having their mom back.  It warms my heart!!!
I am also happy to report that today I officially played my tennis match since early last September.  I have tried to get back on court but have taken it very easy with limited play and movement in simple classes.  Today, I played a doubles match and felt SO thrilled to be able to.  I almost tripped on my dumb numb legs twice...but didn't....and it felt so good just to play.  I am even forming a competitive team that will start intense practicing...just because I can!
There are still no treatment options for me at this time...but I am grateful the CT scan results I just got.  My scans have never been able to detect my cancer...so I knew they wouldn't see that...but the ascites (fluid in my abdomen) that I have had the last year has mostly all reabsorbed...and that was great news.  That means my organs are healing and not distressed and pumping out fluid from the trauma.  They are healing...it is truly amazing.  My liver, for example...was poisoned, severely burned, then had a big cancerous part of it removed.  That caused problems with its function...my counts have all been off for quite some time.  This ct showed healing..and my labs are miraculously returning to normal.  The body is such an amazing gift.  I am eating healthy, fighting my cancer with nutrition and FAITH...and will be as strong as I can until a new treatment surfaces.  I am feeling better each day...and I feel so blessed!!!!!!!!

loved this...and so true!

You never know what life is going to throw at you...so...

Another CT this week...

They usually don't see anything on my CT's...but I get them regularly anyway.  I am always nervous as I go and ask you to keep me in your prayers.  Thank you in advance.  I will share results as I get them.

A pivotal moment...

There are some people that come into our lives...at just the right time.  Recently I had the chance to go to lunch with two friends that I hadn't seen in quite a while.  I first met Dave (the husband) at the cancer center.  It was during my 3rd week of chemo and I was SO SICK.  My body had a horrible reaction to one of the drugs in my chemo regimen and I had extreme symptoms that weren't expected.  I remember trying to be brave and was in the waiting room just shaking and trying to hold back my tears.  I had a doomed feeling... and I was TERRIFIED!
I was afraid that my body wasn't going to tolerate the chemo and that I might die...just because I didn't think my body could take another round.  I knew my diagnosis was bad and I NEEDED the chemo to give me a chance.  I was saying that to my mom who was waiting with me...and I was feeling so broken and defeated...to the very core of my being.  The next thing I remember was this kind man whom I didn't know coming over to me and wrapping his arms around me in an embrace and just holding me as I cried.  He will never know how badly I needed that hug...that extra strength at that exact moment...and the reassurance that I could do it.  It was almost like my Savior was there wrapping his arms around me.  It gave me the fortitude to continue and was a pivotal point for me....much more so than I can put into words.

I later met his truly amazing wife as well and crossed paths with them while I was doing infusions over the next year.  When I went to lunch with them last week, we discussed that first meeting...and I was able to thank him for that hug.  We talked about how he felt like he should come try to comfort me, but then doubted himself since  he didn't even know me.  He wasn't sure if he should or not...but he heeded the prompting he received...and it is a moment in my life that will forever stay with me.

This experience is one of so many times where people have acted as "angels" in my life during the past two years.  A lesson that I have learned is that we truly need to ACT when prompted to do something for others....no matter what doubts come into our minds.  The Lord has put people in my path...so many amazing people... who have listened and have stepped in during such critical times.  Please never underestimate your power to change lives and do good...  And if you think someone might need you... they probably do!  YOU are amazing and might be the answer to someone's most urgent prayer!

Two Year Diagnosis Anniversary...but LIFE goes on!

January 5th is a day that completely rocked my world...two years ago.  The good new is that I was so busy that day that I didn't even slow down to remember.  I count that as a HUGE blessing.  The 5th was on Thursday...and that morning, I was blessed to do SO many things that I wasn't able to for so long.  I got my girls ready for school, went to the TENNIS class that I used to go to, I drove my girls to different lessons after school, I took them to a Zumba class with me, and I rode an exercise bike...then came home to make dinner and have a fun family evening.  My days aren't all that busy, but it was such a great example of LIVING and my heart has been so full.
Another small milestone: I got fully cleared from all of my doctors to return to tennis...and it is something that I had really missed.  It is amazing to me that I can play.  My vision has been limited since my brush with near starvation a year ago.  Many of you also know...but I lost ALL feeling in both legs from my knees down from severe nerve damage.  I still think it is a miracle that I can walk...but I can.  I step on court with my raquet in my hand and I just smile.   One of my goals for this year is to get strong enough to enter a tournament.  I have a long way to go...and need to regain so much strength, but I can't wait to do it!  (Side note: your bodies are such blessing...treasure them and be good to them.  They are AMAZING creations!!!  Please never take your health for granted!)