To tell the truth...

I am having a ROUGH week.  I am staying positive, but don't want to lie... this surgery is a big deal and the healing process is going to take a while.  I can do this, but will admit that I am having a really ROUGH week.  Thank you for your continued prayers.  At this time, I need healing and comfort.

It keeps running without a hitch...

It is amazing how my life keeps going while I am not able to participate.  I am so grateful that amazing people step into my shoes and carry on for my children.  This morning my parents took the girls to our neighborhood egg hunt, then they have a birthday party, then Aana has a soccer game, and so on.

It is time that I thank all those who work behind the scenes in my life keeping it together for me while I can't.  My mom cheerfully slept in a miserable cot beside me every night at the hospital taking care of all the things that the nurses didn't have time to or want to do.   Larry and my Dad have juggled work and kid duties to be beside me and have been there every step of the way.  My sister is willing for any task and rescues me when needed.  My mother in law flew out and stayed with my girls while I was in the hospital...and my father in law entered a cancer benefit run and ran in my behalf. 

There are hundreds more behind the scenes that I want to thank.  You keep working tirelessly for me...taking my children to their lessons, making me a calendar for my appts., teaching preschool even on my days, making be beautiful blankets, organizing my pantry while I am in Dr.'s appoitnments, surprising me with lunch, making decorations for my hospital room, sending me packages of cheer, gathering the ward to make a beautiful quilt for me, random acts of kindness, saying just what I need to hear on rough days and SO much more. 

I have always been taught to choose good friends...but recently I realized that my family and friends are ANGELS!  I hope each of you know how grateful I am to have you in my life!!!  

Two steps forward and one step back!

Today I am very nauseous and am feeling a bit weaker than yesterday, but that is pretty normal.  There will be good days and bad days...  it is helping me to think about where I was a week ago.  The change during that time is absolutely amazing.  I am not sure if it was posted or not, but I actually coded the first night in the hospital.  The CNA came in my room to do vitals and found me unresponsive.  I remember waking up to about 20 doctors hovering over me busy, yelling, and anxious...I couldn't hear them over the loud ringing in my ears, but the looks on their faces scared me.  I remember trying to say, "am I going to make it?" I had a tube in my throat and could barely mumble words, so they couldn't hear me.  They didn't know I was awake, I guess, and I couldn't tell them.  It was a very humbling experience.  I couldn't talk for quite a while and finally found comfort in my Savior who let me know that if I wanted to continue on...I would.  And I wanted to so bad!!!  So much has happened in the last 11 days... I am so grateful to just be nauseous!

Waking in my own bed is an AMAZING thing!

I have to post to tell you of my most exciting advancement.  I am HOME!!  And this morning, I woke up in my own bed, with my husband and daughters snuggling me. 

Addie was so excited I was home that she couldn't take her eyes off me...

she was completely giddy. 

I felt the exact same way! 

I could have had to stay in the hospital for several more weeks, but I was so fortunate to have passed all of the requirements quickly and didn't run into the complications that occur in so many of these cases.  I feel SO blessed!!!!  

The past two weeks have been the hardest weeks of my life, without a doubt.  There were several points where I had to stop and think...."can I really do this?"...I am tempted to explain, but probably shouldn't, but believe me when I say it has been brutal.  Through it all, I was fortunate to have my family, my friends, my support system and all of you in my mind rooting me on and giving me the strength to carry on.  It was truly amazing!!!

I am too tired right now to post more details, but wanted to share my JOY! I AM HOME!!! It will still be a LONG road, but now I have that huge surgery behind me...and it feels good to have one thing DONE!

Slow recovery

Hello everybody, I thought I would make a quick update on Shanda's progress in the hospital.  It has been about five days since her surgery and to be honest, she is having a very hard recovery. I think a lot harder than we all envisioned, yet she is getting stronger each day and slowly progressing. She has finally been able to drink clear liquids, which she was very happy with.  As expected, biopsy reports came back with some cancerous lesions present in various parts of her abdomen and liver, very small, but they were there.  The important thing is that they have been removed and it confirms even more how vital it was to have this surgery.  We don't know when she will come home, hopefully later next week.  Per Dr. intructions, visitors are out of the question, plus I just don't think she wants to be be seen in her present condition, maybe early next week.   It has also been hard for her to talk on the phone, However, she would LOVE emails and text messages, she has her phone next to her at all times.  If you need her phone number or email address, please email me at larrybraithwaite@gmail.com.  It is the highlight of her day when she hears from someone.  She continues to need your prayers and support.  Thanks again to all.
Larry

Out of Surgery

This is Larry and I just wanted to give a quick update on Shanda.  It was a long day with a eight hour procedure. Overall, everything went as well as we could have hoped for.  Our Dr. did find several very small questionable deposits in various areas of her abdomen. This was expected because we knew the cancer was not contained after her appendix had burst.  Those were removed and will be biopsied.  They could be nothing or could be cancerous, regardless they are all removed and that is the important thing.  He did some peritoneal stripping, removal of her omentum and more of her colon and any scar tissue from her previous surgeries.  Finally, they poured and stirred heated chemo throughout her abdomen for 2 hours.  The idea is that the chemo is supposed to kill any of the leftover microscopic cancer cells.  It is amazing what they can do these days.  If this was five years ago, we wouldn't have had this option. 
     Shanda is now recovering, many tubes coming out everywhere, but she seems comfortable.  It helps that she will have a epidural for the next several days to help with the pain.  She is in good spirits.  I just want to take this moment to thank everyone for their prayers and kindness.  Shanda tears up daily thinking of all the support she has, it has been amazing.  She didn't say much after her surgery,  I can obviously understand, but she did mumble something about being greatful for having this trial because it has made her a better, stronger person... I know, crazy, my wife finds the positive in everything, she is awesome and I lover her so much.

Anyway, we feel like everything went very well.  I will try to keep this updated, she is better at this than i am, but I will do my best.

Larry

The Time has Come!

Today I leave for Spokane and will stay the night as I do the preparations needed for my surgery.  I report to the hospital at 6 am and my surgery starts at 7.  It is a LONG surgery, but when there are updates, Larry will post on the blog to let everyone know how things are going...I am nervous (insanely nervous), but ready! 

I feel strong, supported, hopeful, loved... and I am ready to kick cancer's butt!

You are ALL adding to my strength and your prayers are being answered...please keep it up and know how much I appreciate you!!!

Grins, giggles, and TONS of fun!

We had a blast and needed it.  I can go into this surgery with my childrens giggles in my mind and their grins permanently emblazoned in my memory. It was perfect! 

We went to Sea World, the San Diego Zoo, Disneyland, and California Advertures, and saw some wonderful family.  We were there when the parks opened and stayed until they closed.  We enjoyed every minute of it! 

California or BUST!

Life has been a chaotic whirl the past couple of weeks...but now we are going to go and have some fun!  We are headed to Disneyland, Sea World, San Diego Zoo, and Universal Studios within the next couple of days and my girls are SO excited!  We have had the classic paper chain counting down the days...and it is finally here!

On a side note, I took my wedding ring in to get the prongs fixed and got a call last night that the jeweler had somehow CRACKED my diamond.   I have the best luck! :)  He is replacing it...and it is just a ring.  (I am glad my marriage isn't as brittle as the diamond we bought to symbolize it!)

I am getting very nervous about my surgery...it is almost here, but I CAN DO THIS!!!  And I will do it with a smile...because, why not?

Please pray...

I have been SO grateful for the prayers and support of so many of you...and I can truly say that I have seen miracles in my life.  I know the power of prayer and ask you at this time to pray for another friend of mine.  This blog allowed me to get to know a couple where the husband has the exact type of cancer that I have and he is going in for that same surgery I will be having on March 8th....but his is THIS FRIDAY (and it is his 3rd time!)  He and his wife have been so supportive and have helped me so much in this process...with information and support.  This surgery is a BIG one, and is critical for our diagnosis.  Please keep him in your families prayers...his name is Randy and he is amazing man. 

 Randy...please know that you are in my prayers, and you are an INSPIRATION to me!

And now...

Larry is in the hospital and will be having surgery in the morning to put a stint in his kidney as and a laser to blast his stone.  He is actually on the same floor and area where I have been hospitalized 3 times recently, so now there are getting to know the whole family.  He has had two of my same nurses so far...

I swear, we ARE healthy!

This too shall pass... (yes, pun intended!)

As a way to truly celebrate our Anniversary, Larry ended up in the ER last night with what he KNEW was kidney stones again.  He has had them twice before...once in the Canary Islands and once while we lived in Cleveland.  It was the middle of the night and I couldn't leave the girls to go with him, but he had an xray and verified that it is another one.  (and that he has several more hanging on his kidneys.)  I just remember the last time the doctor told him it wasn't very large and that it should pass fairly quick...and he said, well, is it sharper than usual, or hooked...or jagged.  We laughed!

And yes...this, too shall pass!  Good luck Larry!

Has it been that long already?

Today is our anniversary and Larry and I celebrate 9 years of being married! 

It is amazing how much has happened in such a relatively short time.  Together we have experienced the most amazing joys, fantastic memories, tons of laughter, and much more.  

Here's to 60 more years...

The countdown begins...

11 1/2 days until Disneyland with the kids...and 18 1/2 days until my huge surgery!

(...but who's counting?)

LoVe

It is coincidental that today was Valentines day because the last couple of weeks mind has been centered on the theme of "LOVE"...and I will try to express some of my thoughts.   Never in my life have I felt so much of an outpouring of love on my behalf...and it has left an imprint on my heart that will forever remain.  I can't even begin to describe how full my heart is...

I am not sure if you (all of you reading this) will ever know how much the littlest things you do for others matter.  Gestures like phone calls, emails, blog comments, sending a card, and keeping our family in your prayers... those things mean the world to us right now.  I have been diagnosed with cancer for 41 days, and during that time we have received quite a bit of "bad news," but you all have shared such kindness, love, faith, and compassion...and our spirits have been bouyed up because of it.  This trial has taught me much about charity...empathy...real friendship...and genuine compassion.  I have never before seen such creative and caring ways of showing someone that you are thinking about them.  Each of you individually has so much to share that brightens the world...in just your unique way, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing some of that with me.  My family has been blessed by all of you!!!  Today I celebrate shared love of all kinds....

My life is not perfect and I have burdens and trials just as we ALL do, but I can genuinely say that I am so blessed!

The decision is made!

After a TON of research, several appointments, talking to several patients, a million prayers, and a lot of deliberation... I feel peace about my decision.

I have chosen my doctor and have scheduled the "mother of all surgeries" (as the oncologists call it) for March 8th.  That gives me time to prepare my body and heal from the two recent surgeries...as well as some time to spend with my children and family before I am laid up and sick for so long.  It is exactly the timing that I hoped for and this doctor fit ALL of my criteria, so I am grateful.  I don't have control over much in this situation, but I can control two things...my attitude about having cancer and my doctor.   When I am done with that surgery, the heated chemo, and 6 months or so of systemic chemo, I will KNOW I have done everything in my power to beat this.

A miracle worker surprised me and organized my pantry while I was in spokane yesterday and I finished a couple of other projects up today...so it feel good to mark some things off my "to do" list.   As I sit here, I can see the girls playing kick ball out in the back yard.  The sun is out...and it is a good day!

Today I meet with one of the TOP doctors that specializes in the Heated Chemo treatment and surgery.  I have been counting down the days until I meet with this doctor in particular, because I am hopeful that he will be IT...the doctor to help me BEAT this!  I have so many questions for him and I have heard that he is just a fountain of knowledge.  They say he is also amazingly compassionate and patient focused as well as being one of the top in his field.  I'll post more tomorrow to let you know how it goes.

I bought a digital voice recorder and it has been amazing because I have recorded all of my appointments and can come home and upload them to my Itunes and put them on my ipod.  There is so much information that doctors give...it is just hard to digest all of it at once.  It has also been nice to be able to email my family so that they can listen and understand what I am facing!!

Today I love Mondays...because I am hopeful that this is an important day in my journey!!!

I can Harldy believe that today...

BOTH 7 years ago AND 3 years ago, I was giving birth to my two beautiful daughters. 

They were both born at 8 lbs 8 oz...on February 7th. 

Today is a very special day for our family!! 

I feel so lucky to be the mother of such special spirits...

(pictures will follow)

Consultations and Hats!

Monday I drove to Spokane for a consultation with a well respected Oncologist and Tuesday I drove to Seattle to see a surgical oncologist.  I have learned a lot and have had some questions answered, but there are still many more that will be unanswered until I finish meeting with all of the Doctors I have appointments set up with...and choose a team for my treatment.

One thing that has come up from both appointments is that they both recommend doing the HIPEC (heated chemo surgery and procedure) as well as 6 months of regular chemo as a follow up, so I am trying to preprare myself accordingly.  The key here is doing everything I can to give myself the LOWEST chance of reoccurrence, no matter how challenging it is. 

It is ironic, that I have never liked hats, they never looked good on me...but I think I will very soon change my mind on that.  I am grateful...so grateful that these options exist and I am really focusing on that...not the side effects or possible complications. (but I admit that they do cross my mind...)  And now when I go to stores, I will stop and look at HATS!

I keep telling myself...

I figure positive thinking can't hurt...these and other positive thoughts are now posted ALL over my house.  I can and will do all that I have to...to beat this!